Hey everyone. I was so busy at Horrorhound I didn’t have time to get around to everything I would have liked to, but thanks to my dear wife, I get to hear all about the screening and Q & A held by Maniac director William Lustig. Not only that, but she also stood in line to get my DVD autographed for me. If there’s ever any question as to why I adore my wife so much, please direct yourself back to the beginning of this paragraph. Well since she had so much to share with me, I wanted her to share it with you folks too.
William Lustig take Questions from the audience after a screening of Maniac.
Here’s a really good question. How can a bunch of people watch Maniac at 12:00 in the afternoon? This question was posed on Saturday afternoon at Horrorhound Cincinnati as William Lustig sat down for a showing of his film. I had seen Manic before, but this was my first immersive experience with the movie. I don’t mind saying, some things are just creepier in the dark. First of all, I have always been afraid of mannequins. My husband likes to blame this on Kim Cattrell, but the truth is anything that looks that much like a human and with interchangeable parts, well, it’s suspect at best. By the time Joe Spinell was staple gunning his victim’s scalps to the lifeless heads I had the heebie jeebies. If I had been at home, this would have been the point were I kissed my lovely husband on the head and went to the other room to work on songs.
However as the movie progressed, I could look past my phobia and appreciate the complexity of the story. Frank Zito warrants no sympathy at first glance but as the movie unfolds I was torn between villain and victim. When asked if Zito was based on a particular serial killer Mr. Lustig responded that he was more of a composite of several of the popular killers of the late ‘70‘s and went on the muse,” whatever happened to those guys?” I had never really thought about it before, but it does seem to be a higher percentage of a crazed killers on Meth now rather than in the '70's when dogs bossed killers around. In a way it seems that Maniac captures a particular time in American crime history.
I also found it very interesting with the high female body count in the film, the truly gory deaths were saved for the male. I really did mean to ask if this was intentional or not, but the combination of time restraint and my fear of public speaking would not allow it. The absolute weirdest thing to me about the screening was comparing the audience reaction to mine. More than once there was a disconcerting amount of giggling, only some of which could have been attributable to nerves, and add to that the crying of children that were bought to take in Maniac. On the same hand I have to admit that I am not the bravest viewer of horror films, and Lustig’s film skirted the threshold of what won’t give me nightmares.
Lustig called Manaic “lightning a bottle I don’t think I ever could or would do it again.” It seemed incredible that it was even possible to have made such a daring film on the resources he had. Every story sounded like the crew had to push the envelope to get what they needed for the shot. When asked if he had worked from storyboards, he simply said “No.”, and then went on to talk about the scene in the subway. They only had permission to go the gates of the turnstile and no further. It was all shot on the fly, and I found that to be really impressive as it was one of the most beautiful moments in the film.
As he spoke, I got the impression William Lustig was a really good guy who just happened to make films. He never seemed self important. In fact, about half way through he took a call, waited patiently for room to talk after saying hi and in a calm voice say, “Honey, I'm doing a panel in front of 100 or so people, I’ll have to call you back. “ I don’t mind saying that this was the first time I had the opportunity to watch a film and then hear the director discuss it, and thanks to William Lustig it was another great Horrorhound weekend.
I Could Not Resist Putting Up One Shot of the Horrorhound Weekend Cincy 2010 Crew: Night of the Living Podcast, Movie Meltdown, Family Movie Night,The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense, Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema, and Paracinema Magazine all representing along with me, the ever loving blue eyed Bugg, my lovely wife, "cruise director" Randy (though the quotes are there for Christine), and the man who "paid $14.00 and he's going to take it all" Vishnu!
Once a Month, T.L. Bugg takes a day off and hands the keys of the Lair over to his lovely wife, Miss Directed, and best friend, Fran Goria. The Ladies of the Lair take this chance to shine a spotlight on some of the best and worst films out there, and you never know what might happen when it's Ladies Night! Take it away Fran....
Ricki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991) Director: Ngai Kai Lam Writers: Tetsya Sarauwatas (manga), Ngai Kai Lam Starring: Siu- Wong Fan, Mei Sheng Fan, Yukari Oshima, and Ka-Kui-Hu
Ricky-Oh is a martial artist with super human strength. Ricky-Oh will only fight if words will not resolve the situation. After his girlfriend, Ying, witnesses a drug deal, she is held captive by the gang. She becomes so terrified that she jumps out of a window and falls to her death. Ricky-Oh seeks vengeance for his girl’s death, and he kills the crime boss responsible. As a result, he receives a ten year prison sentence for manslaughter. Way back in 2001, prisons became privatized. Ricky-Oh is serving his sentence at Warden Sugiyama’s prison. Ricky-Oh must now overthrow the tyrannical warden and his pornaholic assistant, defeat the dreaded Gang of Four, stop an illegal opium farm, rally the inmates, and save the day. Did I mention the ass-kicking? Ricky-Oh must also kick ass.
Riki-Oh was a lovely film about fighting the establishment with super human strength and good old-fashioned kung fu. I quite liked watching the film. It is a must see for anyone who likes martial arts films mixed with pure campy goodness. From Ricky-Oh tying the tendons in his arm together with his teeth, to him punching an opponent’s lower jaw off, I was hooked. With that being said, this is turning out to be a difficult review for me to write. On the one hand, I adored the film, and on the other, I just don’t know what to say about it. Ricky-Oh shows up and kicks lots of glorious ass. The blood is beautiful and plentiful, and the English dubbing is a good time to be had by all. However, this alone does not make for a passable review. So I’m just going to jump in and see what does, or does not, happen.
When the film was originally released in Hong Kong, it received the dreaded Category III rating, due to its violence. Riki-Oh was the first non pornographic film to receive the rating. I have to say that I am a bit surprised by this. Okay, yes, there is some violence. Yes, there is blood and gore, but the effects are not great. I’m not sure if anyone else knows this or not, but in a porn film, the sex is real. Those actors are really having sex with each other. At no point in Riki-Oh did I think it was real. I did not believe, or even suspect, that the actor playing Riki-Oh could actually punch his fist through a dude’s chest. Nor did I think he could crush a skull with only his deadly, deadly hands. The point is, it is a shame that such a fun film got such a severe rating upon release. Although, the rating caused poor box office sales, it did not keep Riki-Oh from gaining a cult following. One good thing that has come from the Category III rating is that without it, this paragraph would have never happened.
Riki-Oh was a super fun film. I had seen clips of it here and there, but never knew the title. I was pleasantly surprised when T.L. presented it for Ladies Night. Now I can’t speak for Ms. Directed, but I had a great time watching it. The special effects were cheesy, the dubbing was bad, the action was way over the top, and it was AWESOME! I loved every bit of it. I look forward to watching it again, and I’m sure I will love it just as much as I do now. I cannot think of a single part of the film that brought me down. It started strong, stayed consistent, and finished strong. I should warn every one now, that the fun I had watching Riki-Oh has affected my rating by at least 1.
Fist Rating
We all have very strange talents. Some woman can put a cherry stem in their mouth and tie it into a little bow. I’ve tried that trick, and all I ever spit out is a bent up cherry stem. What I can do is remember very stupid things I have seen on T.V. I never thought this would come in handy until I started writing for the The Lair. Now it is, believe it or not, one of my most treasured skills. I’ll get back to that later. We take turns picking films for Ladies Night with it rotating between Fran, me, and the Bugg. I always get a little scared with it’s his turn. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but he watches some crazy crap. Some months he has been overruled. After all, it’s called Ladies Night. Today’s film was the Bugg’s pick, and I was relieved when he told us we would be reviewing Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.
I had never seen Riki-Oh, but I had heard lots about it. Sometimes when I watch a movie that has been hyped to me, it’s just not as impressive as everyone made it out to be. Thankfully The Story of Ricky was all it claimed to be and a bag of chips. The movie took everything that is awesome about anime, made it live action, and they left the creepy tentacles at home. There’s so much great about Riki-Oh that it’s hard to know where to start. First off, it’s a story set in a prison, something I more often than not enjoy. I have always found prison is a great setting for action movies because it is the ultimate fight against authority. The bad guys run the prison, the warden runs the bad guys, and the poor inmates have to take the scraps. These are some super special bad guys though. Think marital arts super villains that are named after old movie serial characters, my favorite being Tarzan.
Ricky gets sent to jail because he was avenging his girlfriend’s death by drug lords. In all the flash backs, she seemed to be a real wet blanket, but a Riki has to do what a Riki has to do. Here’s where the tone of the movie gets messed up in fantastic way. On one hand you have our hero fighting of hordes of anime-esque super villains. On the other hand, Riki becomes more of a sissy with every scene. For heavens sake, playing a flute wasn’t enough, he had to play a leaf. It was like someone in Japan said, “I like that High Plains Drifter movie. You know what would be badass, lets make a similar movie but instead of Clint playing a harmonica, we’ll give our guy a leaf.“ All I can say is thank you Japan.
This is a movie you will want tell you will want to tell your friends about. The mix of the crazy story, and the over the top practical effects make this one of the most entertaining films I have seen in a while. Now, back to my special talent. While watching the Riki-Oh, there is a scene where a fellow smashes the head off an unfortunate gentleman, and I knew I had seen it somewhere before. Then it occurred to me, that cut was used in the opening of the 5 Questions segment on the Daily Show back when it was hosted by Craig Kilborn. So even if you haven’t seen the film, if you’re a Comedy Central fan there’s a good chance that you’ve seen that clip somewhere along the line. Down below the trailer, I’m going to embed the clip of the head explosion right under it. Overall, I thought Riki-Oh was really entertaining, and it was just the type of film that you want to invite your friends over to watch.
Once a Month, T.L. Bugg takes a day off and hands the keys of the Lair over to his lovely wife, Miss Directed, and best friend, Fran Goria. The Ladies of the Lair take this chance to shine a spotlight on some of the best and worst films out there, and you never know what might happen when it's Ladies Night! Take it away Fran....
Shoot or Be Shot (2002) Director: J. Randall Argue Writers: J. Randall Argue, Steve Catanzaro, Alistair Salton Starring: William Shatner, Harry Hamlin, Scott Rinker, and Julianne Christie.
Ben Steinman (Rinker) is an aspiring director who cannot seem to write a story. Harvey Wilkes (Shatner) is an aspiring screenwriter, who also happens to be an escaped mental patient. When low budget action producer Jack Yeager (Hamlin) teams up with Ben to shoot an artistic, improv film, the two cross paths with Wilkes. The escapee then takes cast and crew hostage and forces them, at gun point, to film his own screenplay. Will Ben be able to stop Wilkes, fall in love with the girl who is not what she seems, and still keep his integrity as a director?
One sunny afternoon, seven or eight years ago, while I was perusing the new release wall at the local Blockbuster, one cover stood out for me. On that cover was Harry Hamlin with a video camera and big fat cigar, standing next to William Shatner in a straight jacket. I knew I had to see that film, so I did. After watching it, I knew I had to own it, so now I do. I have seen Shoot or Be Shot many times over the past few years, and I have to say that I like it just as much now as I ever did. The film starts off with a simple story. It has a film crew with no script and a screen writer with no film crew. The two come together, and comedy ensues. Throw in a sleazy producer who wants to gain artistic integrity in the film world, a scorned actress/lover who changes her appearance to get in on the action, and a handful of other oddball characters; and one is in for a real treat. The film quality wasn’t the best, but the camera work was pretty good. The look was perfect for the overall feel of the movie.
There were two great actors in Shoot or Be Shot, William Shatner and Harry Hamlin. These two really carried the film. Shatner was absolutely fantastic in this role. As the film opens, Shatner is in a suit and tie giving a speech. Maybe he was in an office building, in a meeting, or pitching a big idea. Then, as the camera pans back, the audience sees the interior of the mental hospital, and then realizes he is pleading his case for release. This was a quick scene, but it set the tone for Shatner’s role. He was very lovable as Wilkes, the escaped psychopath, and I really believed that his job as VCR instruction manual writer drove him mad. This was a great character for Shatner, and he his probably why I like the film so much. .Harry Hamlin stars opposite Shatner playing Jack Yeager, producer. Yeager has a reputation as a penny pincher and skirt chaser, and with good reason. Hamlin played this role to a tee. While Hamlin and Shatner were great to watch, the rest of the cast, not so much. They got the point across, but with no real style.
A couple of other cast members do deserve a quick mention, and I do mean quick as they were bit parts in the movie. First there was Lupe, Yeager’s cleaning lady, played by an actress that we met last month in TeenageExorcist, Elena Sahagun. She did a fine job with Lupe. She was feisty, and it was nice to see her again. Then there was Uncle Bill, hotel owner and gun enthusiast, played by Tim Thomerson. Many should recognize him as Jack Deth from the Trancers films. Thomerson was great as Uncle Bill, and he really made the most of his small role. Many lovely elements come together in a lovely little package for Shoot or Be Shot. From the quirky story, to the lovable characters, this is just a fun film to watch. It may have its downfalls, but it makes me happy. I have seen it many times, and I am sure I will see it many more. I highly recommend to any fan of dry comedy, William Shatner, or anyone who wants to watch something that doesn’t require too much thought. It is simply Shatastic!
Shatner Rating
There are a lot of groups to fear in the world. All sorts of criminals, men that try to pick up women at Barnes and Noble, ICP fans, and that’s starting the list. One group I never thought I would be scared of is screen writers. What were they going to do pitch me to death? Before you make fun of the guy sitting at the Starbucks drinking something with soy milk and typing furiously, you need to see Shoot or Be Shot.
While that is well traveled ground, Hamlin and Shatner do a very entertaining job. William Shatner has always been one of those actors that a person loves, or loves to make fun of. Either way you fall on that argument, you’ll be happy here. Harry Hamlin relishes playing the slime ball. I feel sort of bad for the rest of the cast. These two men have a history of chewing the scenery, so no one else had half a chance of being noticed. The problem in the end is the movie’s shelf life. Back when I saw it the first time, I thought hey that’s funny. On my second viewing, I realized what I might like is seeing an actor I loved in a mildly funny role. If you love Mr. Shatner this is a must see for you. Even though I am giving this a lower rating, it is worth watching once.
Shatner Rating
The only clip I could find out there was on YouTube, but strangely it is dubbed into Russian. So bizarre, but I decided to include it anyway.
Once a Month, T.L. Bugg takes a day off and hands the keys of the Lair over to his lovely wife, Miss Directed, and best friend, Fran Goria. The Ladies of the Lair take this chance to shine a spotlight on some of the best and worst films out there, and you never know what might happen when it's Ladies Night! Take it away Fran....
Miss Directed and I were originally going to review a completely different movie this month, but in honor of Women in Horror month, we decided on a film that showcased one of our beloved scream queens, the lovely and talented Miss Brinke Stevens. So, without further ado, Ladies Night presents.....
Teenage Exorcist (1991) Directed by Grant Austin Waldman. Written by Fred Olen Ray (story), Brinke Stevens (screenplay). Starring: Brinke Stevens, Eddie Deezan, Jay Richardson, Elena Sahagun, and Robert Quarry.
Diane (Stevens) is a meek and mousy graduate student who just moved into an old mansion. It seemed like a dream come true until odd things started happening. Diane calls her sister, Sally (Sahagun), and brother-in-law, Mike (Richardson), to stop by and keep her company. When the two arrive, they find Diane has gone from meek to sexpot. They soon realize that Diane has been possessed by the evil spirit of the house. With the help of would- be suitor, Jeff, and Priest, Father McFerrin (Quarry), they try to exorcise the spirit. When the situation becomes more dire, an unsuspecting pizza boy (Deezan) arrives, and all hell breaks loose.
I love a film with its own theme song, and Teenage Excorcist has just that! The movie captured my attention right off the bat, with this rockin’, eighties style opening theme. Things just got better from there. From the subtle sight gags, to the slap-stick comedy, to the slightly absurd story line, and to the fine acting, this movie pleased me from beginning to end. The film is essentially a comedy with horror overtones. All elements worked together to create a piece of cinema that is just plain fun.
Miss Stevens has been a scream queen ever since she appeared as Linda in 1982’s Slumber Party Massacre. She refers to it as the movie that launched a thousand screams. She is the total package scream queen with both talent and looks. But she is more than just a pretty face, Brinke has a Master’s Degree in marine biology, she majored in both biology and psychology, and she studied 7 foreign languages. In tonight’s feature, Brinke Stevens stars as Diane, the grad student who becomes possessed. Miss Stevens does a fantastic job as the meek, boring, probably still a virgin, grad student. Then, after the possession, she plays a seductress/ dominatrix, and she great in that role too, and she delivers the comedy well. She does all this while rewriting the script, and looking fantastic in a black leather bikini. Brinke Stevens is a wonderful actress who is truly worthy of the title scream queen.
The rest of the cast was talented as well. Especially Jay Richardson, he really stood out for me. As soon as he said “I have a feeling this isn’t the last gag we’ll see tonight.” I knew it was the truth. Richardson delivered the one-liners and slapstick with perfect comedic timing. Then there was Robert Quarry. His Father McFerrin was a joy. I honestly could not picture anybody else performing card tricks for zombies, but Quarry really owned it. Many may remember him as Count Yorga, but I remember him most from his roles in the Vincent Price films Madhouse(1974) and Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972). There is also a tasty appearance by Michael Berryman from Weird Science (1985) and The Hills Have Eyes (1977).
The one liners and funny storyline were not the only comedic elements of the film. There were also some sight gags I fell in love with. First, the “rats” on the stairs were great. Each character reacted to, and referred to them as rats, but they were obviously a pair of ferrets, and just to drive it home, there was a close up of a cute little ferret face. This made me giggle. Then there was the bird cage with a stuffed penguin hanging in the demon’s lair. This also made me giggle. The whole film has hidden elements to deliver the funny. I highly recommend this movie. It is an all around good time. Teenage Exorcist really delivered it all. I had a great time watching it, and I am sure it will be just as great the second time around.
Brinke Rating
I make no secret of the fact that when it comes to the vast world of horror, I am not as knowledgeable as Fran Goria or TL Bugg. Over the years, I have learned to trust their judgment on what to watch. After all, why would you go out to a 4 star restaurant with a sommelier and order the wine yourself? Most the time when Fran tells me about a movie I am on board. This was not the case with TeenageExorcist. It looked to be a poorly made, badly dated low budget horror film. While it wasn’t just a clever look, TeenageExorcist is a lot better than a lot of horror comedy out there.
First of all, the cast is outstanding for a movie this low budget. Staples actors of genre film permeate this cast. Robert Quarry, who my lovely husband has just reviewed in SugarHill, does a scene stealing job as the Irish catholic priest. I was also happy to see a bit of Michael Berryman as the creepy landlord. I really enjoyed the performance of Jay Richardson as the quintessential 80’s guy, always checking on his stocks and talking merger. This however was a little less impressive as a plot point when I found out the movie was made in 1991.
Topical humor aside, I did like the script. It seemed to owe more to Abbott and Costello than to TheExorcist. Brinke Stevens is credited with the screen play which reportedly had to be change several times on set. In spite of this, the jokes were still funnier than anything I saw in scary movie. Almost ever scene is constructed with a straight man and a funny man delivering the lines. Consider that the same year HotShots! was the big budget parody Americans ran out to see, TeenageExorcist starts to look a lot better. The throwback to classic comedy is charming, even when mixed with lower brow sexual banter.
Doing research I found out a whole lot about Brinke Stevens. Did you know her shoe size is 8? I do now. I can’t remember her measurements but I have seen them at least on 2 web sites. She also has a masters degree in Marine Biology. She has no problem posing nude. It makes me wonder why she hasn’t been on Oprah yet. Where is the Brinke Stevens, fearless female in my woman’s magazine? In a world where I have to heard everything a Kardashian thinks, why no props for Brinke? Now here’s a woman who went into a male dominated field and made a name for herself as an actress, a writer and a producer. That is impressive enough, but she did it in heels and a garter belt. Nothing succeeds like success, and career spanning over 100 movies should speak for itself.
The biggest problem with this movie is its look. 'Til I found out better, I thought I was watching a film from the mid-80’s. There never seemed to be enough light in the interior shots. It wasn’t just moody dark, it was we ran out of money to pay for lights dark. Even the wardrobe just looked old. The filmmakers did okay with what they had, but it wasn’t one of those brilliant low budget movies that managed not to feel limited. Grading on a curve TeenageExorcist gets a higher grade. I would still say if you like your comedy, your horror, and your Scream Queens all mixed up together, this one may be for you.
Once a Month, T.L. Bugg takes a day off and hands the keys of the Lair over to his lovely wife, Miss Directed, and best friend, Fran Goria. The Ladies of the Lair take this chance to shine a spotlight on some of the best and worst films out there, and you never know what might happen when it's Ladies Night!
Never too Young to Die (1986) Director: Gil Bettman. Writers: Steven Paul, Stuart Paul. Starring: John Stamos, Vanity, Gene Simmons, and George Lazenby.
Drew Stargrove (Lazenby) is a top notch, secret agent (does this sound familiar to any one else?). He is in possession of a top secret 5 1/4” floppy diskette full of all the government information needed to poison the city's water supply. Velvet Von Ragner (Simmons) is a psychotic, hermaphroditic crime lord (it could happen) who wants the diskette to, well, poison the city's water supply. Ragner kills Stargrove in an attempt to obtain said diskette. Now it is time for Stargrove’s high school gymnast son, Lance (Stamos), to team up with dad’s old partner, Danja Deering (Vanity, yes really), to bring Ragner to justice and save the day.
TIDBITS
- Bettman’s biggest claim to fame was the documentary The Long Road To Cabo (2003). He went on tour with Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth, and with no Van Halen in sight.
- Writer Steven Paul was nominated for a Razzie award in 2005 for his work on Superbabies: BabyGeniuses2 (2005).
- Stuart Paul’s alias is Q. Mark.
- In 1980, Lynda Carter covered the Kiss song “I Was Made for Loving You, Baby” for a TV special. During the number, Carter was dressed as a female Kiss member. In Never Too Young To Die, Gene Simmons wore the same outfit for the musical number “It Takes a Man Like Me To Be a Woman Like Me”, YEAH!
Ok, I know what everybody is thinking, “Fran, I didn’t know that you covered nonfiction in your reviews! I saw this story on the news just last week.” Well, don’t be fooled by the realness of the plot, it is just an eighties movie. I do, however, love it when a movie is ripped from the headlines, so to speak. I often turn on the news and see an item on roving bands of Mad Max (and Beyond Thunderdome) extras, following their hermaphrodite, hell bent on world domination, gang leader, who is hunting high and low for an elusive 5 1/4” floppy disk, in order to poison the water supply of some city or other. Luckily, there is always a high school gymnast around to save the day with his Mullet of Glory. Wait…what? That hasn’t happened? But, it all seemed so real. I have stocked up on bottled water and hairspray already! Oh well, maybe some other catastrophe will happen on a sea full of bad hair.
This is one of the best terrible movies I had never heard of. As a matter of fact, if it were not for a Facebook friend posting a clip (thanks Barloff!), I still would never have heard of it. Most of the major players don’t talk about it. It’s that dirty little secret everyone wishes would go away. It is quite difficult to find any noteworthy information on the movie. When I watched the clip, I knew it was gold. I immediately called T.L. and told him to make it happen; and he did. One used VHS with no cover later; I was once again a happy girl.
First of all, I would like to talk about my personal favorite part of the movie, Gene Simmons. His character, Velvet Von Ragner, the hermaphrodite lounge singer/ gang leader with delusions of grandeur, was AWESOME! I can’t say that his acting skills were great, but anybody who read the synopsis can probably tell this role really needed to go over the top. Boy did it ever. Simmons really gave his all for this part (tucked and everything). And, his musical number was just the tops, baby! Watching him run in heels, makes me feel better about all heel mishaps I have ever had. Gene Simmons was just great, he was completely entertaining and funny and a joy to watch.
John Stamos, well, it really depends on the angle as to whether he did a good job or not. Let me explain. I felt he was totally believable as a mullet having, gymnastics suit wearing high school student. However, as a debonair, world saving, action hero…not so much. Don’t get me wrong, I dig the Stamos. Every time I watch a Chris Seaver film, I look for the famous Stamos pic, but I would not call him a great actor. Never Too Young to Die was pre-FullHouse, so he had yet to make soccer moms the world over weak in the knees. The wardrobe from this movie did not get him there any faster. White, high waisted, pleated slacks and a blue mesh half shirt do not look good on anybody. While we are at it, tight acid washed jeans, with matching jacket and giant white sneakers does not say action hero at all, teen of the eighties maybe, but not action hero. This definitely was not a sexy look, but his character landed a spy. When you’re thinking about Stamos’ Stargrove, you also have to consider the out of place love story that is borderline statutory (Lance was a high school student), but hey, I guess he was such a cool guy that the age and the clothes didn’t matter.
The best actor in the movie was George Lazenby. Even he went overboard with his character, but it was easy to see the talent (even though he was my least favorite Bond). Unfortunately, he was only in the first part of the movie. Another underused actor was the one and only Mr. Robert Englund. That’s right, Freddy himself was Ragner’s top scientist. Just don’t blink, because he only appears twice and speaks one line.
I hope I have not swayed anybody from watching Never Too Young To Die. It is a must see for anybody who likes entertainment. It is also a great background piece for casual gatherings. I liked this movie so much that I cannot wait to see it again. All of the bad things I mentioned earlier are exactly why I like it so much. I highly recommend this movie, um…unless one requires substance in films. I do not, and I thought it was hella good.
Stamos Rating
You have to be a special kind of person to know what September 18, 1983 meant for the world of entertainment. Any member of the KISS army can tell you, that date marked the start of a dark time in the band's history. As their albums started to go gold again, the fan base started to wonder what happened to the band many had built their life around. By this time the album Music from “The Elder” happened, Ace Frehley and Peter Criss were so disenchanted all they bothered to do was show up for the pictures and cash the checks. Then on September 18th the fans had gathered around their T.V. and found out Gene Simmons was no demon at all. He did not look like he wanted to Rock and Roll All Nite (or Party Every Day). Without his makeup on, he just looked like some dude that would have a hard time getting a girl's phone number.
It only took three more years to get Gene back in makeup. Unfortunately for KISS fans, when he did, it was less creature of the night, and more walker of the street when he stared as Velvet Van Ragner in Never Too Young To Die. For his character, the film makers went way past sweet transvestite, all the way to creepy evil hermaphrodite. Now Gene Simmons isn’t the kind of guy that is easily lead, and I have to assume he read this script. I have to believe he thought, "yep, this is a good career move". Well, he had been wrong before. Watching Never Too Young To Die is a rollercoaster. From the very beginning, I got the feeling this was a movie with something to say. The problem is I think they might have been saying it in a language I don’t know.
The story of Lance Stargrove, played by the John Stamos, starts in his high school gym. The back drop sets the film up perfectly to make fun of homophobic stereotypes. I started to get the feeling this could be my kind of film when the Stamos takes the jocks down a peg or two. Then bikes and transvestites get added into the mix, but I think I’m still with you guys, sally forth. Things get a little shaky when Vanity made her first appearance on screen. It took me a second to realize it wasn't Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef, and then, sure, I back on board. By the time Stamos starts to talk about society and its woes, I have given up trying. Some where along the way, I go from being a grown woman, to a child of the 80’s. If I had to sum up this film for a friend it might be, “Uncle Jesse from FullHouse and Prince's girl friend try to save the world from Gene Simmons and the extras from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.”
It’s like they took a whole decade, put it in a blender and pushed puree. On no level can this movie be called good, but it is entertaining. I found it so hard not to laugh uncontrollably, I had to be careful when I drank my coke. If you are going to watch this movie, get as many people as you can together to do so. I don’t know if it would be as good otherwise.
Stamos Rating
There is a trailer you can find on YouTube, but it's only 30 seconds and doesn't really give much of a feel for the film. Instead here are a couple of clips from the film to give you folks a taste.
