The Road to Horrorhound Weekend: Meg Foster Has the Power!

In merely 59 days from now, the Cincinnati Horrorhound convention will open its doors on Friday the 12th of November. Forging new territory, I, along with my dear wife and Fran Goria, will be making the journey from South Carolina to Ohio. I must confess that I’ve never traveled that far North before, and all I know of Cincinnati is that you’ve got to watch out for falling turkeys if you’re there around Thanksgiving. I’ve been planning to travel to a large convention this year as there are literally none in local Southeast area. (At least no exclusively horror conventions, I did give lots of consideration to DragonCon in the good ol’ ATL.) There are three things that really made my decision to make the trip.

First up, it’s Horrorhound Weekend, and Horrorhound is one horror rag I try to never slip by me. So the name itself lends some gravitas. Secondly, there were a lot of folks that I know from around the blogosphere and pod cast world that were going to be in attendance, I won’t drop names because I don’t want to have to pick them all back up when I’m done here, but if you look down my blogroll you might find several attendees on the list. The third and I’ve got to admit the most important reason was the guest list which was packed with people that I’ve always wanted to meet. So in the weeks leading up to Horrorhound, I’m going to be looking at a film from several of the guests that are going to be attending.

Getting the first look is Meg Foster which I was very familiar with from her role as Holly Thompson in They Live, but what I didn’t realize was that she had been a part of one of the first total cinematic disappointments of my childhood, Masters of the Universe. When the movie made its debut in 1987, I was eleven years old, and just like all my friends, a big fan of the cartoon He-Man and the Masters of the Universe as well as the accompanying action figure line. I know I even had a He-Man themed birthday one year, and I wish I could recall when that happened in relation to the film. What I can remember is how excited I was to see He-Man, Teela, Orko, Battle Cat and Man at Arms mix it up with a big screen Skeletor, Mer-Man, Beast-Man, and possibly several other beings with the word ‘man’ at the end of their name. The poster looked great, and Dolph Lundgren, who was already a favorite from repeated viewings of Rocky IV, looked like the ideal He-Man. How he would pull of Prince Adam, I wasn’t sure. Little did I know that wouldn’t have to happen at all.

The world that the film opens up on did appear to be the Eternia from the cartoon, but after that things started falling apart. He-Man was just He-Man with nary a mention of the mincing Prince Adam. Man at Arms wasn’t wearing even a smidgen of Orange. Sure, Teela was there, but with nary a bit of the snake headdress or chromed out boobs look from the cartoon. This Teela looked like she was in Space Marine boot camp with Ripley, but she didn’t make the cut. Cringer or Battlecat didn’t seem to exist at all, and don’t even get me started on the fact that Orko was replaced by Billy Barty in makeup that made him look like the bastard child of Willow and Hoggle from Labyrinth. It wasn’t a pretty sight. The only thing that saved the film for me back there were the few shots of Castle Greyskull and some of the bad guys. I can’t imagine I knew who Frank Langella was when I was 11, but even though the makeup wasn’t quite right, it worked for me. Plus, Evil-Lyn, played by future Horrorhound Weekend guest Meg Foster, actually looked cooler than Evil-Lyn who always appeared to have a fin going the wrong way across her head. (The other henchmen were another story that I’ll get into in a moment.)

I remember overall that I left the theater with a great deal of disappointment and a heavy heart. In recent years people have complained that the G.I. Joe movie raped their childhood. I wouldn’t go so far as raped, but I was still a kid and I felt like I had been cinematically molested in some kind of way. Instead of an epic story set on Eternia, I had gotten a film here He-Man and crew come here by way of a time doorway, and their paths soon cross with a small town waitress (future Friend Courtney Cox) and her boyfriend (Robert Duncan McNeill, later of Star Trek: Voyager). In the place of clanging swordfights were endless laser battles, instead Mer-Man and company, Skeletor’s cronies were lame dudes called Blade, Karg, and Saurod, and worst yet in place of the awesome action film I had expected, they had shoehorned in a typical ‘80’s storyline.

I didn‘t watch it for years after that, and when I finally did give it another try about six years back, I didn’t find it nearly as painful as I once did. So I thought I would give it another watch, and lo and behold, I dug it. Far removed from the emotional connection I had with my Teela figure when I was eleven, I could just enjoy Masters of the Universe for what it is, a trashy ‘80’s science fiction film with elements of fantasy. Mostly though there are just elements of cheese, and I mean lots and lots of it. It’s easy to see that Cannon films would have liked Masters of the Universe to become a Star Wars size box office titan, but instead, they produced something that was less Lucas and more Corman. It doesn’t even seem surprising that the un-produced sequel to Masters of the Universe somehow mutated into the script for Jean Claude Van-Damme’s Cyborg.

Of course, the real reason I sat down and rewatched it twenty three years after that first initial traumatic screening was Meg Foster as Evil-Lyn. I must say that I found her performance really held its weight against Langella who always seems to give his best in any material. I’m sure the fact that she shares most of her scenes with the acting powerhouse doesn’t hurt, but Foster also displays the same kind of eeriness that she would the next year in They Live. Foster got her start in TV and made her feature debut with a small role in the obscure 1970 Michael Douglas film Adam at 6 A.M. After spending several years playing bit parts in everything from Barnaby Jones and The Six Million Dollar Man to Baretta and Hawaii Five-O, she got fourth billing in 1980’s Carny beneath Gary Busey, Jodi Foster, and Robbie Robertson. (She also appeared in The Stepfather II which someone will mention if I don’t, but I’m trying not to hold it against Ms. Foster.)

Over the years the film roles got more prevalent, and after being Evil-Lyn and appearing in Carpenter’s flick, Foster has continued to pop up in films like The Best of the Best 2 (1993) and 1999’s The Minus Man. Currently she is slated to appear in Go Straight To Hell alongside fellow cult icons Karen Black, Sid Haig, and Traci Lords. When I saw that Foster was going to be at Horrorhound, I knew I wanted to meet her. After all, who wouldn’t want Holly Thomson to turn that stare on them? (I better not bring any bubblegum just in case things go bad.) After reading about her long career, and discovering all the films that she’s appeared in, it’s just made me that much more exited that she’ll be there. That’s about all for this first mile on the road to Horrorhound Weekend, but I’ll be back next week with another film from the gargantuan guest list as the even itself draws ever closer.

Bugg Rating

The Expendables (2010): Should be Renamed The Indispensables

A couple of years back when the first whisperings that there might be a project like The Expendables in the works, I thought it sounded too good to be true. I just couldn’t see Stallone being able to corral the action greats of the ‘80’s much less share the screen with them. His last film, 2008’s Rambo, was one of the biggest, splashiest actionfests that I‘d seen in quite some time, but I‘ve been hurt so many times by projects that either didn‘t materialize (Where are you Justice League?) or didn‘t live up to expectations (Does anyone else remember Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow ?) It was too much the action fanboy pipe dream. It was kind of film that me and my friends would have put together while playing Excitebike. Even though I didn’t want my heart to be broken, I kept an open mind and followed the development of the film (or it was following me).

Just in case you’ve been living in a cave, I guess I should give you a bit of an idea of what this “Expendables” I speak of is all about. Stallone plays the improbably named Barney Ross, the leader of a band of mercenaries played by Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Terry Crews, and Randy Couture. The fellows get a job to remove a Latin American dictator General Garza ( David Zayas, Angel Batista from Dexter) who is being controlled by a rogue ex-CIA agent (Eric Roberts). The job looks like a lost cause, but when Barney is inspired by the General’s rebellious daughter (Giselle Itie), it stops being work and starts being a cause worth fighting for.

Regardless of all of that, The Expendables is a massive excuse to blow up tons of shit, pull off some spectacular action sequences, and finally (although briefly) get Sly and Arnie in the same film. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. While The Expendables doesn’t quite ratchet up the violence to the level of 2008’s Rambo, it still delivered a visceral thrillride. Though I do have to scold the film on relying too heavily on CG splatter, a no-no regardless of what genre I’m talking about. The best moments are less bombastic fight scenes. Lundgren and Li have one particularly spectacularly choreographed scene, and Statham has some fun on a basketball court that was one of the most crowd-pleasing moments. I don’t want to give spoilers, but for anyone who has seen the film, my favorite part concerned Stallone, Statham, a plane, and hefty amount of gasoline.

While the story is overshadowed by the action, I don’t think anything could overshadow the dynamite cast. While everyone was great, I have to pick out a couple of standouts. I am almost never let down by Dolph Lundgren, and this was no exception. His role is smaller than some of the other Expendables (I think he and Mickey Rourke have about the same amount of screen time.), but he really threw himself into it and turned a small role into a memorable part. A pleasant surprise was MMA star Randy Couture. I only knew him by name, but he came across very likable and would make for a solid character actor in action films. The last person I have to mention is Eric Roberts. Is there an actor out there that can do the smarmy crook quite as well as Roberts is doing it lately? Personally, I think not, and I could watch it all day.

I feel like it was Stallone’s intention to make The Wild Bunch of ‘80s action film homages, and he came pretty damn close. I left the theater with a big smile on my face, and all though the next day I was playing parts of the film over in my head. I’ve already had daydreams of who they could get for the Expendables 2. Nothing is more surprising when a pipe dream becomes an actuality, but the one thing you have to remember about this pipe dream is that it’s probably packed with C4. The Expendables is an explosive film on all levels, and I can’t wait until I can see it for a second time. Oh, and by the way, if anyone sees Stallone, tell him to give Michael Dudikoff and Lorenzo Lamas a call next time.

Bugg Rating

Expendables Week #3: The Expendables on Set in New Orleans

Hey folks, you might recall back last year when I went to New Orleans, I was there the same time that The Expendables was being shot and I got some pictures of the action. So I thought I would dig those pictures out and let you check them out again. You can see Sly, Statham, and a bit of Charisma Carpenter in these shots. I can't wait to see this scene in the film. Hell I can't wait to see the whole thing. I'll be back tomorrow with another review that you won't find Expendable, this time it's Mickey Rourke in the '80's classic Year of the Dragon. 

Expendables Week #2- Blackjack (1998): Dolph Does Heroic Bloodshed

As the week begins to slip by, we’re growing ever closer to The Expendables, and I just can’t wait. To hold me over I’m looking at films from some of the stars all week. Yesterday, I started with Eric Roberts in the action classic Best of the Best, and today I get a chance to talk about one of my favorite all time action stars, Dolph Lundgren. I was all of eight years old when I first saw Dolph in action as the Iron Curtain baddie Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. Of all the Rocky movies, I think I saw it the most while growing up. From the jingoistic plot (empathized by James Brown’s tune “Livin’ In America”) to seeing Balboa take out his vengeance on the Russian for the death of Apollo Creed, I was consistently enthralled. Not only because of the monosyllabic pugilist played by fellow Expendables star Sly Stallone, but also because of Dolph’s icy, tractor lifting Russian. The next year Dolph stormed my childhood for real when he starred in the Masters of the Universe Movie, and though I appreciate it now, it left me scratching my nine year old head wondering who this He-Man was supposed to be.

Time and time again Dolph popped up in films I wanted to see like The Punisher, Universal Soldier, I Come in Peace, and even Johnny Mnemonic. Each time I enjoyed seeing him, and in recent years he’s starred in a number of enjoyable direct to video flicks like Command Performance, Diamond Dogs, and Icarus. While none of them are top flight films, Dolph always seems to captivate me. As he’s gotten older there’s so much more character in his face, and his look takes me back to a time when action stars were not matinee idols (Channing Tatum, I’m looking at you.) So when I recently stumbled across Blackjack, a film starring Dolph and directed by the legendary action master John Woo, I knew I couldn’t pass it up. Woo had a contract with a Canadian television company to develop two series, the first being “Once a Thief” which serviced in limited syndication for 22 episodes. The second was Blackjack which never got beyond the pilot stages. At the time Woo was between two big American projects, Broken Arrow (1997) and Mission: Impossible (2000) and Dolph was well mired in the direct to rental market. A series combining the talents of John Woo and the charisma of Dolph Lundgren should have been a home run, but unfortunately the end result doesn’t quite deliver.

Dolph stars as Jack Devlin, a former Federal Marshall now turned freelance security expert. To kick things off Jack must save the daughter of a close friend and client, but while guarding the little girl, Jack is blinded by the glare of a flash grenade leaving him with a fear of the color white. When the girl’s father is killed, Jack takes her back to his apartment where he lives with his friend/butler Thomas (venerable character actor Saul Rubinek in an eye patch). He tries to play Mr. Mom, but when his old friend Tim (Fred Williamson) is killed while trying to protect supermodel Cinder James (Kam Heskin), Jack gets back in the protecting business. He finds himself pitted against the model’s crazed, sharp shooting ex-husband, but he must overcome his fear of ivory tones if he’s going to save her life.

That’s right. Dolph has a fear of white. I didn’t even mention the fact that he has a penchant for card tricks and carries a deck of cards with sharpened razor edges. While all of these little character notes might seem silly, they actually all add to the film. Woo exploits the razor cards effectively in a couple of scenes, and Jack’s fear of white makes his throw down with the bad guy at the milk factory a tad difficult. Sure it adds up to action with a side of silly, but Woo had often likes to work humor into his films. Plus when you think about syndicated action shows around that time like Renegade, V.I.P, or She Spies, it fits a similar tone. There are plenty of Woo touches along the way too. Though the action sequences are a little toned down from what you might expect from Woo’s films, there’s still plenty jumping with two guns, walking away from explosions, and black helmeted motorcycle riders to keep most Hong Kong fans happy.

Dolph, as usual, puts on a solid performance using his craggy face to great effect. The fact that he wears sunglasses constantly though a good portion of the film (to avoid white of course) only adds to his air of cool. I’m afraid I don’t have as much good to say about his supporting cast, and this is really where the whole film goes off the rails. First off, Phillip MacKenzie, who plays the psycho ex-husband, does one of the worst, most over the top, most poorly delivered Southern accents ever. It doesn’t help matters that he’s a little weenie looking dude, and if he didn’t have milk around, he wasn’t much of a match for Dolph. Kam Heskin, who would go on to be one of the stars of NBC’s short lived soap “Sunset Beach”, doesn’t fare much better as the drug addled supermodel. Her line delivery missed the mark most of the time, and though she was cute, she didn’t really seem like the world’s most popular model. The rest of the cast fails to distinguish themselves at all, and only the appearances by Saul Rubinek and Fred Williamson add some spice to the proceedings.

While the acting had issues, the real problem lies in the story written by former Miami Vice screenwriter Peter Lance. I know that the film was intended for TV, and the left to right screen wipes inserted where commercials should be never ceased to remind me. However, the story never felt like it would flow or be cohesive even in an episodic format. There were numerous gigantic plot holes (if the ex-husband was working alone where did all the motorcycle riders trying to kill Dolph come from), and portions of the film lag terribly. It runs for nearly two hours (probably its intended running time with commercials), and that is at least a half hour too long. It’s clear that this is not nearly the best either Woo or Lundgren were capable of, but there’s enough of both men’s styles housed in this film to make it work it worth a watch for fans of either man.

Bugg Rating