Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #2: Don't Torture a Duckling (1972)

While yesterdays duo of “Don’t”s had the most ubiquitous message when they assured, somewhat misleadingly, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.  Today’s film, coming in at Number 2 on the countdown, comes from Italian horror master Lucio Fulci, and, in the inverse, it has an impenetrable title which only viewing the film will explain. Popularly known as Don’t Torture a Duckling, the original Italian title, Non si sevizia un paperino, actually translates more literally as Don’t Torture Donald Duck, but even in an age where Escape from Tomorrow is a film that gets released, it is hard to imagine the litigious House of Mouse letting that kind of title fly. Coming off three solid thrillers, Lizard in a Woman’s Skin, One on Top of Another, and Beatrice Cenci, Don’t Torture a Duckling was the first of his films to really delve deep into a horror, albeit a human one. It also marks Fulci’s first real foray into gore while he was still at the top of his giallo game. Lucio reportedly named it as his favorite among his catalog, and I have to admit in advance that it ranks pretty high up there for me. I was actually surprised I had yet to review it as I've watched it a good half dozen times. So, I suppose do what you want to a calf, a kitten, a puppy, a chick, or a fawn, but whatever you do Don’t Torture a Duckling.

Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #4 & #3: Don't Be Afraid of theDark (1973 & 2010)

Perhaps the most universal of the "Don't" titles is the rather parental advice, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. At one time or another, in our childhood or a particularly vulnerable moment of our adult lives, we have all been afraid of the thing that goes bump in the night. No matter if we thought it was a burglar or the boogieman, it still sends the heart racing and the stress level up to feel at the mercy of something unexpected in the inky blackness. Perhaps that's what makes both versions of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark so effective that they come in at numbers four and three on the Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair Halloween countdown. The original, a made for TV film, and the remake, hewn under the watchful eye of  Guillermo Del Toro, are similar films that execute the basic plot with near equal competence, but each delivers a unique satisfying experience for genre film fans. So today, it's all treats and no tricks when The Bugg turns the lights down low for a double feature of miniature terror, so come along, don't be afraid, and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark.  

Bad Milo (2013) Sometimes It Takes Guts.

So today's review is going to get a little personal. It's going to get deep, and by deep I mean that deep down churning feeling when guts twist and distend, when the abdomen cramps and the body heaves into a cold sweat. Everyone has felt it from time to time. Food poisoning and sickness cam often bring such a condition on, but for an unlucky few, allergies or stress can cause such an episode and really put a damper on general existence. I myself have had a lifelong intolerance of the lactose variety. Certainly there are ways to avoid milk, soy or rice alternatives, the Lactaid products, balancing probiotics, but no matter what, let's face it, milk is delicious, and it's in everything. So generally, I just deal with it. I might not eat cereal or milk all the time, but cheese, you've had cheese, right? That's some good stuff.

Over the years this has lead to much consideration of my bowels, and at one point in my life, I faced the inevitability of ulcers if I didn't change my diet and reduce stress. I had been going through intestinal spasming, which is as fun feeling as it is to think about. With changes to my eating habits and less fucks given than ever before, I managed to avoid further complications and drink less milkshakes. (This really ruins things when I go to a There Will Be Blood themed party.) By now, you have to be wondering why you're reading so much about my gastroenterological woes, and there is a good reason. I think it puts be in a special place to talk about today's film, Bad Milo, because like myself, part of the film's protagonist is intolerant, but, instead of a tummy ache, part of his tummy puts the hurt on someone else.

Only God Forgives (2013) Refn and Gosling's Grudge Match

I have to hand it to Ryan Gosling. The Mickey Mouse Club alum has crafted a career built off finely selected indies with just enough major studio work to still keep his finger in it. Meanwhile, outsider director Nicolas Winding Refn has made his name by being stridently independent and preserving his particular vision on the screen. When the two came together in Drive (2011), it was a match made in cinematic heaven. Gosling’s restrained performance was the perfect balance to Refn’s violent story rife with neon imagery. Refn had originally wanted Only God Forgives to be their first film together, but Gosling convinced him to do Drive first, a good choice as it maintained a high quality cinematic feel while being accessible as well as scoring commercially and critically. Only God Forgives will be a more divisive film (though Drive had plenty of detractors) as evidenced by the fact that it got booed after its premiere at Cannes, but I was interested to see for myself whether the sins of Refn and Gosling could be absolved or if it was time for their partnership to be dissolved.

Berberian Sound Studio (2012) Mi senti adesso? Mi senti adesso?

Modern cinema is the marriage of sound and vision. So is David Bowie if you ask him, but that's an entirely different story. However, it is not merely the advent of the spoken word that made film into such a transformative experience. It was also the click of a woman's heels, the whip of the wind through the trees, the score rising as an awful sound denotes the ripping of flesh. These atmospheric elements are happening all the time as we take in a movie, and often we don't even realize that these tiny moments are pushing our viewing experience, making it come alive. Today's selection, Berberian Sound Studio exists in the behind the scenes magic that makes these kind of cinematic moments possible. It also engenders something of the dangers when they become all too real and the experience too visceral. It almost comes as no surprise that the particular genre of film being made at the titular studio is an Italian giallo.

A Horrible Way to Die (2010): A Hell of A Way to Live

When someone is called "the future of horror", I generally scoff and say, "Yes, yes, I'm familiar with Ty West.", but I think for a change I've found someone who I may tentatively apply the dubious title. The director I'm talking about is Adam Wingard. After being impressed but his storytelling in the V/H/S 2 segment Phase 1 Clinical Trials, I went looking for what other films he had directed. Turns out, I had already seen on,  Home Sick with Bill Mosley. While that film had some coherency problems as I recall, I didn't rather enjoy the dark spin on wish fulfillment. Poking around through my streaming services, I noticed that Wingard's A Horrible Way to Die was being featured and without even checking the synopsis I gave it a shot. What I got was not at all really what I expected, but rather something more mature and stylish than I would have thought a young director, or even one with moderate experience, could undertake. 

Love Actually (2002) Yes, Actually, Love Actually!

For many years, five in fact, I’ve thought about writing a review of Love Actually, one of my favorite Christmas films and romantic comedies, but I wasn’t sure what really to say about the film. This year, I’m trying to take the spirit of the season more into my heart. Working in retail as I do by day, it can take the Christmas spirit right out of you, and gentle solaces in films like Miracle on 34th Street, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Silent Night Deadly Night can be the thing that puts it back in. While I wouldn’t add Love Actually to the vaunted status of those films, there’s something sweet and romantic about Richard Curtis’ film that appeals to the humanist in me during a season that is dominated by religious imagery. There’s no doubt that it is a bloated and flawed film that both exploits the viewers emotions and dabbles in cliché however I forgive it its trespasses. After all Christmas is the time to tell the truth, and the truth is that I love Love Actually.

It would take more time than I want to spend to write a full synopsis of the film as it concerns ten separate love stories that intersect and overlap over the month leading up to Christmas. As you can see by the chart after the jump, it could be quite confusing, but with a two and half hour running time, there’s plenty of space to get to know everyone. However there are still relationships and minor notes that I have picked up even after many viewings over the years. So I’m going to count off a few of the stories by their importance to me in the film.

The Beverly Hills Cops: Three Directors, One ‘Stache.

Bo bo boo bobo bo bo, boo bo bo boo bobo bo bo, boo boo boo bobo bo boo boo. If you don’t recognize the tune that I just wrote down then a) you’re prose tone deaf, b) you weren't around in the 80s when it reached #3 on The Billboard Hot 100, c) you have no capacity for joy and happiness in your life, or d) any combination of the above. Well, for those out there that don’t know it, that’s “Axel F.”, the main theme from Beverly Hills Cop, today’s Movember film selection featuring the mustachioed Eddie Murphy at the height of his powers. Joining the cast of Saturday Night Live in 1980, the stand up comedian soon parlayed his success there into a film career making 48 Hours in 1982. When his co-star Nick Nolte proved too sick to host SNL as promotion for the film, Eddie became the first regular cast member to also host the show. His next film was Trading Places with SNL alum Dan Ackroyd, and this pair of hits catapulted Murphy into leading role territory. The result was a string of hits, including The Golden Child and Coming to America, that all began with one Detroit cop taking a trip to Beverly Hills. From there, a franchise and a superstar were born of the 80’s, but in the matter of a decade, Murphy and his character Axel Foley were struggling for survival. Today, I’m going to talk about all three films in the Beverly Hills Cop trilogy, each by a different director, but with one tune, one laugh, and one ’stache that holds them together.

The Bigger and Badder Halloween Top 13 #2: King Kong (1933)/King Kong (1976)

For the penultimate entry on The Bigger and Badder Halloween Top 13, I am including two films in the same slot. Not only because they share a single title, but also because they both share distinct, though differing, views of a classic tale. The two films, as I'm sure you have already noticed are the original King Kong from 1933 and the remake from 1976. What you won't find is any further mention of Peter Jackson’s indulgent, bloated remake from 2005 because it’s a lot of old bleh, and the less said about it the better. On the other hand, the original King Kong is a triumph of screen trickery, acting, filmmaking, and story, and the ’76 remake updates the formula, the drive, and the symbolism of the tale for a modern age. Both films are still entirely as relevant today as when they were made, and I'm sure these two occasions will not be the only times this classic tragedy will be brought to the cinema. So come with me as I roll the screen on two classic monster movies, and discuss the creature known as the Eighth Wonder of the World.

The Bigger and Badder Halloween Top 13 :#3: Them! (1954)

The 1950s were an era of us against them, but the ‘Them’ of today’s selection for the Bigger and Badder Halloween Top 13 is a foe for all seasons and eras. I’m talking about the bane of picnics, the scourge of lemonade stands, the menace of masticating mountain men, the common ant. Just like yesterday’s film featured a tiny worm grown to gargantuan proportions, today’s takes one of the smallest and most common (and most commonly stomped on) members of the insect family and turns the size tables on humankind  Naturally, it’s also our fault. When nature attacks in the nuclear age, you can always bet that the A-bomb is not too far behind. Strangely, it also has something else behind it that most major giant monster movies lack, studio support and a budget. Taking the mutant creature feature and giving it proper effects, a solid cast, an experienced director, and a script that makes sense and leads to exciting scenes, Hollywood crafted the crown jewel of American 1950s science fiction/horror features, the exclamatorily named classic, Them!

The Bigger and Badder Halloween Top 13: #4: Tremors (1990)

I remember very well when I first saw Tremors. I recall going to the theater my freshman year of high school not really knowing what to expect from a film that featured both Remo Williams and Alex P. Keaton’s dad, but the promise of Dune-esque giant sandworms was enough to get my butt in the seat. Tremors flopped upon that initial release, but in my heart, it was one of the movies of the year. Funny, exciting, and gory, it had everything that a teenage boy could want… except nudity, but you can't have it all. When Tremors came to VHS, it got a second life, and the franchise became popular enough to spawn several sequels which are surprisingly not that bad. Tremors was one of the first films to have a mainstream second life on home video that the box office would not have anticipated. With its wild creatures, a well rounded cast, and keen, sharp pacing, Tremors has always had a special place in my heart. So I invite you to come on into that special place, and join me as I dig into #4 on the B&B H13, 1990’s Tremors.

The Bigger and Badder Halloween Top 13: #5: Attack of the 50ft. Woman (1958)

For the second time on this list, I will be talking about an exclusively humanoid giant, but unlike the teens in Village of the Giants, this time it isn't played so much for laughs. In the eyes of a conservative nation, which America has steadily grown out of over the years, the rise of the Women’s Christian Temperance Organization in the 1870s-80s was nothing less than monstrous. While their purpose was to ban alcohol, something that few people would rally around now, one of their main reasons was to improve the home life of women who were abused, beaten, and neglected thanks to the rampant alcoholism which had spread like wildfire among the nation’s male population. To many, the members of that group, as well as the women’s suffragettes, were nothing less than monstrous. However, these two movements were the seed of what would grow to be the modern feminist movement, which came into its own nearly a hundred years later in the 1960’s. Despite winning the vote in the 1920s and powering the country through World War II, when the men came home, they still expected to find meek partners who bent to their husband’s will, but by the late 1950s the strain between the sexes was beginning to show even in idyllic middle America. So it comes as no surprise that a movie came along and exploited the fear of the powerful woman whose cause was just, if not her methods. Granted she was still dressed in an awfully titillating style, but Attack of the 50 Foot Woman offered up a giant woman in the place of a giant movement just waiting in the wings.

The Bigger and Badder Halloween Top 13: #6: The Host (2006)

After yesterday's trip to the land of the rising sun and Destroy All Monsters, I'm taking a slight detour across Asia to another land and another kind of monster, and the real scary thing, folks, is it might just be us. As I've mentioned before, more often than not, giant monsters are not just the source of menace because they will eat you whole and tear down your city, they're about a deep seated fear of an evil or menace beyond containment. Sometimes it's nukes or nature, but I think that today's flick is the only one in which the source of the menace lies between the lines of International politics. To really get into the peril of the film, then you have to know a bit about the history so I will warn you now that later on there might just be a boring preachy part later on. Until then, it's going to be all about a fishy menace that may or may not be spreading a deadly disease when I talk about the 2006 South Korean creature feature, The Host. 

For the Love of Price: The Haunted Palace

Hello folks. It's my last respite of the month before I barrel into the last 15 reviews of the month including The Bigger & Badder Halloween Top 13. I hope you've been enjoying what I've been scaring up so far. Today, I have the second of two special For the Love of Price segments from my best pal and yours Fran Goria. Fran's back this time with the Roger Corman/Vincent Price "Poe" entry The Haunted Palace. So read on and find out how Poe and Lovecraft made a baby, what the two sides of Vinny P are all about, and what's at the core of the Corman in this classic 1960s chiller. Take it away Fran.....

The Other Andy: Murder in Coweta County (1983)

Hello again, and welcome back to another installment of The Other Andy. Today’s film might just show Andy as the farthest from the kind hearted Mayberry sheriff as I have seen, and the scary thing is that the character he plays was a real guy. Culled from the 1979 book Murder in Coweta County by Margaret Anne Barnes, which was based on real events, the TV movie shines a light on the very real problems of racism, corruption, and the good ol’ boy system that existed in Georgia in the late 1940s. This is a movie about the South in a period after slavery had been done away with and replaced with the servitude culture of sharecropping. It’s sad to say, but as a Southerner, the problems exhibited in the film have yet to gasp their last breath. While the sharecroppers are long gone, the culture of racial division and cronyism still persists to this day. Examining these problems in a warts and all kind of way, paired with great performances from Andy Griffith and his co-star, country legend, Johnny Cash, combine to make Murder in Coweta County not only a fascinating film, but also the best Made for TV movie I have ever seen. 

Hey Girl. Hauer You Doin’?: Spetters (1980)

It’s Wednesday, and that means another edition of the hunkiest feature ever to grace the Lair, Hey Girl. Hauer You Doin’? This time we get into the way back machine with Rutger (and his pal Paul Verhoeven) for their breakthrough film, Spetters. This is a film that’s got everything, drama, violence, sports, comedy, tragedy, and a surprising amount of full frontal male nudity. If that doesn’t get you intrigued, then how about this. Remember ’Hunks’. People used to say that, and not just on TV or in movies, I was there. I heard it. Not to sound like Andy Rooney, but when did that stop? At any rate, imagine my delight when I found out that Spetters roughly translated means hunks. While the idea behind the title might make images of super buff dudes oiled up around a pool,  the Dutch had another idea in mind. These hunks invoked images of another tormented group of teen boys, The Outsiders. So if you’ve ever wanted a teen drama with 100% more wooden shoes than you’ve ever seen in a film, then rev up your engines cause this if for you.

You Don't Know Shat !?! : The Explosive Generation (1961)

Last week I talked about Shatner in the '80s "teens out of control" flick Broken Angel where he played a concerned Dad who wondered what was the matter with kids today. Today's film put The Shat on the other side of that equation. The early Sixties may well have been more of a time of chance than the latter part of the decade. With the rise of Rock and Roll (even in this pre-Beatles era) and "race" records, the conformity of the 50s was beginning to wane in the youth of the nation. As we all know by the mid to late 60s the pendulum had swung in favor of the hippie free love movement and anti-war protests. The makers of The Explosive Generation fashioned a movie that was prescient of the changes in youth culture, and even though the actions the teens take might not seem so "explosive" to us now, these were the kind of events that lit the fuse of the cultural explosion. Of course, as always, and I'm sure he'd be the first to say, William Shatner created that spark of revolution.

Les Adventures Extraordinaires d'Adèle Blanc-Sec (2010) : Rollin In the Deep with Luc Besson

If you're like me, and I assume you are because you're reading this, then you didn't care for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008). Apart from nuking the fridge and making Indy's adventures an interstellar affair, Spielberg made a film that lacked heart, a surprise from a director who is usually all heart. Between Indy's adventures, trials, and foibles, I needed something more to connect the series of action sequences. What I never would have thought was to look to France, and Luc Besson, for a film to sate my appetite for an adventurous blockbuster with as much introspection as explosions. Les Adventures Extraordinaires d'Adèle Blanc-Sec (a.k.a The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sac for the French impaired) features a woman who is no wan Indiana Jayne, but rather it paints a portrait of a strong, independently minded woman who is educated, sexy, and clever, in the era directly after World War I, not a time renowned for advances in feminism. She doesn't explore for science or greed or even the discovery, but rather to save her sister's life. .

Blood Simple (1984):'Cause When Blood Gets Difficult Things Get Really Messy

Before Raising Arizona made it cool to put a panty on your head, before the Dude abided, and way before No Country for Old Men made cattle guns the 'it' thing for the hip killer on the streets, the Coens started off their career with Blood Simple, a flick that brought the Noir of the 40s right into the neon arms of the 80s. While the screenplay was wholly original, the Brothers took the title of their film from a passage in famed pulp novelist Dashiell Hammett's novel Red Harvest. In the novel, Hammett describes blood simple as the addled, fearful mindset of people after a prolonged immersion in violent situations. A perfect term to describe the reactions of many of the characters in the Coen's films, and it fits this film like a glove. Violence, greed, lust, and suspicion are the engine that fuels this film, and with a coterie of astounding performers, the Coen's kicked off their careers with a movie that is anything but simple.

Throne of Blood (1957) Mifune Watches the Throne (Without Kanye's Help)

When I set out to present a month of movies with 'blood' drenched titles for National Blood Donation Month, I didn't consider it would also be an injection of films that have been on my mind to watch for sometime. A couple days back, I viewed my very first Jean Rollin movie Lips of Blood, and while today's director, Akira Kurosawa, was not unknown to me, I had seen as much as the next guy. That is if the next guy watched The Seven Samurai to see how The Magnificent Seven and Battle Beyond the Stars stack up as remakes. What I didn't know going into today's selection, 1957's Throne of Blood, was that it was a remake of sorts. It seems that at its core Kurosawa's movie has something to do with a play written by some joker called William Shakespeare. More on that later. Right now, I'm trying to get a damn spot out. So check out the synopsis and I'll be back to talk more on the double (double, toil and trouble).

Washizu (Toshiro Mifune) and Miki (Minoru Chiaki) are two warriors in the service of the Great Lord Tsuzuki who rules from his fortified castle in thick of the Spider Web forest. On their way to report to him, they encounter an evil spirit in the woods that foretells their future. The spirit says that Washizu is destined to rule of over Spider Web Castle while his friend Miki would become a great general and his son would someday sit on the throne. After Washizu relays this knowledge to his wife Asaji (Isizu Yamada), she seeks for him to take destiny in his own hands. When the Great Lord visits Washizu's garrison, Asaji drugs the leader's guards and convinces her husband to murder Tsuzuki. After Washizu forces the spirit's predictions to come true, he becomes Great Lord of Spider Web Castle, but he also begins to go helplessly mad in the face of his actions.

If you haven't surmised it from my wan attempts at humor at the end of the first paragraph of the synopsis, Throne of Blood is a version of Willie Shakespeare's MacBeth. While there are a number of liberties taken with the Bard of Avon's play, many hail Throne of Blood as the greatest film adaptation of the play, and it has even been reported that it was a favorite of literary great T.S. Elliot. Kurosawa's taut adaptation gains much of its strength from long, lingering shots of the actors which hammer home the emotional resonance of their actions. The greatest example comes when Washizu dispatches the Great Lord. While the warrior, spear in hand, goes to do the dirty deed, the camera doesn't follow him. Instead it lingers on Isizu Yamada's Asaji, the Lady Macbeth if you will, and the look of intense anticipation of the murder goes much further than seeing the act would have done. The film is chock full of moments like these that enhance what might otherwise be a familiar and common tale of the lust for power.

It's almost impossible to think about Kurosawa without thinking about his frequent leading man Toshiro Mifune. Over the course of their careers, they made sixteen films together in one of the most fruitful actor-director partnerships of all time. Throne of Blood was their tenth collaboration, and the two could not have been more in synch. They really had to be. In the final scene, Washizu is pelted with arrows, and Kurosawa used real archers with only Mifune's motions to remind the shooters which way he would move next. Now that is trust in your director. Mifune gives a powerhouse performance, but it really comes alive as Washizu unravels. The madness in his eyes seems clear as day, and it is a sight to behold. Just as stunning is the performance given by Isizu Yamada. She truly got to the heart of the treacherous nature of her character and proves that Asaji is no woman to cross. While all the actors give solid performances, the film belonged to Mifune and Yamada. A special mention should also go to Chieko Naniwa as the evil wood spirit. With only a couple intensely unnerving scenes, he imparted everything that comes after with a sense of dread that three witches around a cauldron could only dream of brewing up.

Kurosawa never did anything small, and Throne of Blood was no exception. Building his sets atop Mt. Fuji because, "it has precisely the stunted landscape that I wanted. And it is usually foggy. I had decided that I wanted lots of fog for this film.", he makes the setting just as compelling as the scenario. That may be why Throne of Blood is such as wonderful film. Top to bottom, it is a story in full with every shot, scene, and nuance bringing something into the film's events. There is no wasted time or filler. At a tight hundred minutes, Kurosawa tells Shakespeare's tale of the doomed Prince of Denmark with incredible precision,  an emotional depth, and a masterwork of film making. Now I must get back to this spot. Does anyone have any club soda? Will that take blood off a throne? Well, if I find out, you'll hear all about it when we reconvene here in a day or two as National Blood Donation Month continues!

Bugg Rating