Assassination Games (2011): The Bugg and JCVD Dodge a Bullet

I had so much more planned for Action April. I really did, but instead my body decided to take action against me. So this week you're gonna get this review and one more, 2, count them, 2 Hauer You Doin'? action treats to anround out the week. I know it sounds like lofty goals, but I’m just the Bugg for the job. So what's been happening to me, well, the title of today's film is Assassination Games, and over the last week my body tried to assassinate me.... At least it felt like it. It seems the ever lovin' blue eyed Bugg had gone and got himself a pair of matching kidney stones. Those wee buggers, a.k.a 4mm of the worst pair you'd ever want in your life, brought me to my knees, and while I watched a good many movies through the pain killer induced haze, I didn't think my thoughts on them would be particularly cogent. Or less cogent than normal I should say. At any rate, I'm all healed up, and nothing gets me back into the action like a little JCVD.

Bloodsport (1988): Put Up Yer Dux, Put Up Yer Dux

They say the body is a temple, and that may well be true. If it is, then my temple is a kind of run down, ramshackle type of affair that someone has converted into a funky eatery. Jean-Claude Van Damme's body on the other hand is a lavish, ornate place with all the bells and whistles, gold leaf, bas reliefs, and tapestries galore.  There's no greater example of Van Damme's temple in action than 1988's Bloodsport, the movie that established JCVD as a major action star and catapulted him into the vaulted category with Stallone, Arnold, and Segal. As Jean-Claude stretched, punched, and kicked his way to the top of an underground fighting tournament, the Muscles from Brussels is far from the vulnerable actor he portrayed in the self titled JCVD. This is the young Van Damme who would just as well punch you in the face as impress you with his painful looking splits. Paired with the "true life" story of Frank Dux (pronounced Dookes), Jean-Claude made one of his best action features ever, and a great addition to National Blood Donation Month.

Frank Dux (Van Damme) goes AWOL from the Army in order to travel to Japan to take part in the Kumite, an underground full contact fighting tournament. He travels there to honor his teacher, Senso Tanaka (Roy Chiao), who taught him the way of martial arts after the Senso's own son tragically died. Once in Japan, Frank finds himself to be one of the few Western fighters, and he soon makes friends with Ray (Donald Gibb), a rough and tumble redneck looking to start trouble at the Kumite. Ray taunts champion Cong Li (Bolo Yeung), a decision he would come to regret, and one that pits Frank and Cong Li on a collision course. As the tournament progresses, Frank continues to climb through the single elimination bouts while romancing a journalist and being pursued by American agents sent to bring him back to uncle Sam. Needless to say, he's a busy fellow, but he has time enough for a few montages, a chase sequence to one of the worst songs ever, and to bring his whole body and face into the performance.

This was not Jean-Claude's first film. He had appeared in a number of small parts, sometimes un-credited,  in movies like Breakin' and Missing in Action. Bloodsport is really the movie that made JCVD a household name, and it also should have brought his facial acting skills to the fore of every conversation. I don't know that I can even adequately explain how expressive Van Damme is with his face, and I'm not just talking about when he'd fighting. Surely then he makes tons of grimaces and Bruce Lee-eque poses, but what I'm talking about is in his downtime. Before he even starts a line, he contorts his face into the emotion he's about to deliver. This is very handy if you're watching the film with the sound off, and you might as well. Bloodsport is an action packed film that fun to watch, but if you signed on for plot advancement that doesn't involve someone getting smacked around, then you're going to run into some difficulty here. The lack of plot really doesn't hinder Bloodsport, but it is very interesting to see how bare bones the plot (and Jean-Claude's acting) was compared to later films in his oeuvre.

Bloodsport was the last film directed by Newt Arnold. He was primarily a second unit or assistant director for films like The Goonies, Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, and Alien Nation, and he had not directed his own feature since 1971's Blood Thrist, a Manila based horror tale. I found the style of capturing the action filmed by Arnold and cinematographer David Worth (Never Too Young To Die) to be perfect for actually seeing the fights. One of my big criticisms of modern action films is that the violence is always films from so close up that it is impossible to tell what is going on. Arnold fills his movie with wife shots and well placed close-ups. Sure there were a number of occasions where the angles didn't do the choreography any favors, but the blows that look like they landed home convinced me well enough that I don't want to do any full contact fighting. It also made me long for the olden days of MMA before that became all about sweaty dudes laying on a mat. Back then you could see a Sumo go up against a Muey Thai fighter, and it was awesome. That's truly one of the best parts of Bloodsport. Who doesn't want to see the guy fighting like a monkey get bear hugged til he passes out? Who doesn't want to see a Kung Fu fighter brawl with a redneck? Commies, that's who.

Donald Gibb is perhaps known best to folks as Ogre from the Revenge of the Nerds films, but I really enjoyed seeing him take on a character with a bit more personality. Plus, in his first scene, he plays the old school Karate Champ game with Van Damme, and that is just cool. I wish I could be as enthusiastic about Leah Ayres as Frank's journalist gal pal. The love story is extremely wedged into the story, and Ms. Ayres makes no impression in her few scenes. Other than the fact that she's just about the only woman in the movie, I couldn't see a reason that Frank's character would go for her. I needed her to be a bit more Gracie Law (Kim Cattrall in Big Touble in Little China) and less of a wan love interest. The two other actors who really make an impression are Bolo Yeung and Ken Siu. Yeung looms large, literally, over the proceedings as Chong Li, and his presence gives the film some real teeth. Ken Siu has only a minor role as Victor Lin, but his giant glasses and Asian mullet are hard to forget. I should also mention that Forrest Whitaker also has a small role as one of the agents sent to get Frank Dux back. He's barely in the film, but anytime he was, I couldn't help but think about a throw-down between JCVD and Ghost Dog.

Bloodsport is a great example of where '80's action went right. It wasn't convoluted with jingoistic anthems like many of the Chuck Norris movies. It wasn't teeming with guns like Stallone's flicks. It didn't take a science fiction or supernatural bent like Arnold favored. It was a straight up flick about a martial arts tournament done right. It had that same headlong feeling that I get watching Enter the Dragon. From stem to stern, Bloodsport goes for the jugular, rips it out bare handed, lets it spray all over the room, and it dares you to not have a good time. While much of Van Damme's other movies are hit and miss, these early movies like Bloodsport and Kickboxer show a martial artist who is desperate to show the world what he can do. Now that often seems to mean the splits, but it also means some very real kicking ass.

Bugg Rating

Deadly Doll’s Choice: We're Going to Eat You (1980)

If I were going to be consumed in some way, and I got my choice of the method, I think I would want to be made into a gelatinous doughnut filling. First off, it doesn’t sound particularly appetizing, and secondly, the person eating me would be likely to spill some of me down their shirt. That kind of thing could ruin a day, and if I’m going to have to be killed and eaten, I’m going to serve as an inconvenience at least. What served as no inconvenience at all was the film that Emily from The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense picked for our film swap this month. For my part I picked the illustriously titled Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels for her viewing pleasure, and her pick for me was Tsui Hark’s 1980 film Di you wu men or We're Going to Eat You.

Hark was a director I knew more by reputation than his filmography. I’ve seen a couple of installments of his Once Upon a Time in China series and knew he had produced John Woo’s 1986 film A Better Tomorrow, but I had never taken a special interest in him. So while I had heard of We're Going to Eat You, I wasn’t aware it was one of his films. After seeing it, that special interest might have been sparked. I watched it early one weekend morning while sipping on a hot cup of coffee, and it was the perfect way to start a day. Watching the combination of horror, comedy, and martial arts unfold took me right back to my childhood when the USA network would air Kung Fu theater Saturday afternoons after cartoons.

We're Going to Eat You stars Norman Chu as Agent 999 is sent to a rural Chinese village to arrest a bandit called Rolex (Melvin Wong), who sports a tattoo of a fist on his chest. Upon arriving, Agent 999 begins to suspect that something is wrong, and he soon discovers that cannibals, addicted to the flesh of strangers, populate the village. Agent 999, a traveling pickpocket (Kwok Choi Hon), and Rolex must band together to take down the town’s villainous, and hungry, chief played by Eddy Ko. Along the way there’s enough slapstick to make a Three Stooges fan happy, enough martial arts set pieces to delight fans of classic Shaw Brothers, and enough cut rate special effects to make a H.G. Lewis fan giddy.

To say that We're Going to Eat You was not what I expected would be an understatement. I don’t know what I expected exactly, but Hark’s film defies classification. Combining a pinch of Italian cannibal mojo with Half a Loaf of Kung Fu, Hark gives Sam Rami a run for his money in the zany horror category. Much of this is due to the great performances. While Norman Chu was wonderful with his neo-noir portrayal of Agent 999, the film really belonged to Kwok Choi Hon who played the pickpocket and Eddie Ko who played the Chief. Ko slinks around the screen with an insane, sweaty looking power that delighted me, and Kwok Choi Hon gave the pickpocket a kind of wimpish likeability that brought to mind the charismatic likeability of Jackie Chan.

We're Going to Eat You is one of my favorite kind of cult films, a genre mash-up. Sometimes directors lose balance between the bits of pieces they are trying to cobble together, but in this case, Hark put together a film that is hysterical, action packed, and a bit gross as well. I can’t thank Emily enough for picking this one out for me, and I can’t wait to see what she has in store for me next month. So head on over to The Deadly Doll’s House to check out what she thinks about Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels, and as for me, I’m feeling a bit peckish. Perhaps a run out to Krispy Kreme is in order.

Bugg Rating

A Tale of Two Matt Hunters: Norris vs. Dudikoff

I could not resist getting into The Chuck Norris Blogothon hosted by Matt-Suzaka over at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, and I wanted to talk about one of my favorite films of his, 1985’s Invasion U.S.A. It’s a film full of classic Norris badassary, and it was something of a childhood favorite of mine. However, recently I was at a jockey lot (a.k.a a flea market to those not from the South) and I picked up several videos including Avenging Force starring Mr. American Ninja Michael Dudikoff. Imagine my surprise when I was checking out the tapes and ran across the familiar name Matt Hunter. After a little investigation, I found out that Avenging Force was a sequel to Invasion U.S.A albeit with little connection other than the name of the hero.

It seems that Avenging Force was intended for Norris, but he was committed to shooting another film at the time, a little movie called Delta Force. So Cannon Entertainment, not wanting to waste a finished script, recast the bearded, chambray shirt wearing, double Uzi wielding character that Norris had  first played with the clean shaven, cowboy hat wearing, martial artist played by Dudikoff. Needless to say, it makes for two very different films and two very different Matt Hunters. I thought what better time to look at both films, and it would give me a chance to pit two ‘80’s action stars in a fight for supremacy. Sure, one of the stars is Chuck Norris, the star of such films as The Octagon and Firewalker, the man who made Texas Rangers look cool, and a man who has nothing behind his beard but another fist, while the other is Michael Dudikoff, but the two films almost make this a fair fight.

It had been a number if years since I had last watched Invasion U.S.A, and while I really remembered liking it, I was pretty hazy on the details. For some reason, probably because the main baddie named Mikhail Rostov (played by the always entertaining Richard Lynch), for years I’ve had it in my mind that the Russians were invading the U.S., but watching this time I found it was Commies although of the South American variety. What the terrorist’s motive is and how they managed to get together such a massive army seems like an impenetrable mystery to me. For those not familiar with the film, the Commie terrorists start blowing up homes and community centers to start civil unrest, but as an added bonus Rostov is dead set on killing his old arch nemesis, ex-CIA agent Matt Hunter (Chuck Norris). After the goons blow up his home in the Florida everglades, kill his air boating friend, and endanger his pet armadillo, Hunter comes out of retirement. It doesn’t take long before Hunter is going though more Uzi ammo than the entirety of the Six Day War.

There’s really not that much plot to Invasion U.S.A. The motivations of the bad guys are never clear, and Norris’ Hunter just seems to be hell bent on laying waste to as many Commie terrorists as he can lay his hands (or guns) on. That doesn’t really matter though. Once the movie starts kicking, it becomes one excellent action set piece after another. Chuck kills Commies in the mall. Chuck kills Commies outside a supermarket. Chuck had a knock down drag out fight with the Commies in Atlanta complete with tanks, rocket launchers, and of course a final showdown against Lynch’s evil leader. Needless to say, Invasion U.S.A makes up for the lack of plot with the variety of action set pieces. Plus the film contains some great lines. My favorite Norris quote has to be when he’s trying to intimidate some random dude and warns him that, “I’ll give you so many rights you’ll be hoping for a left.” Norris is at his badass best, and Richard Lynch makes for a great bad guy as usual. As a kid, I’m sure I loved the film for its endless action while not I might enjoy some of Norris’ other films a little more as an adult.

Since I just purchased it a few weeks back, this was my first time checking out Avenging Force, and I really didn’t know what to expect. The only Dudikoff film I had seen previously is American Ninja, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that Avenging Force not only starred the Dudikoff but also his Ninja co-star Steve James. In both films they share a natural chemistry that really helps sell the film. I also noticed one other name that piqued my interest, Marc Alaimo. His name might not ring a bell to most folks, but being the massive nerd that I am, I instantly recognized the actor as the evil Gul Ducat from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. With those actors on board and director Sam Firstenberg who helmed Breakin’ 2 and American Ninja, I was optimistic for Avenging Force. However, I was hard pressed to see how Dudikoff was going to fill the shoes of Chuck Norris in the role of Matt Hunter.

The story of this Matt Hunter begins when Matt, his Grandpa, and little sister go into town to meet their friend Larry Richards (Steve James) who is running for state senate. They accompany him in a Mardi Gras parade that is attacked by several gunmen out for Larry’s blood, but the only target they hit is Larry’s young son. Matt taps back into his Secret Service contacts (no CIA for this ex-agent only an elite FBI task force) and finds out about a secretive group called Pentangle that has been threatening Larry. Matt and Larry tangle with Pentangle a few times before the dastardly group tracks them down at Matt’s ranch house. They kill Grandpa and Larry as well as kidnap Matt’s little sister. It seems they want Matt to participate in their blood sport in the bayou. If he survives, he can have his sister back, but no one survives.

Apart from the subplot about the Senator, Avenging Force reminded me a lot of John Woo’s Hard Target which wouldn’t come out for five more years. Woo’s film is of course more visually impressive, but I did enjoy Dudikoff as the heroic lead. The fact that he was supposed to be Matt Hunter is another matter altogether. If Avenging Force was supposed to be a sequel to Invasion U.S.A, it sure didn’t seem like it. The powers behind the film had changed the lead actor, his former profession, and even his digs, but for some reason they didn’t find it necessary to change the name of the main character. The film also suffers because even though it has some good action sequences, many of them are laughable. The Pentangle goons chase Matt through the swamp in some hilarious outfits, and it lead to me dubbing them the "mime ninja", "survivalist Sub-Zero", "Professor Mardi Gras", and "the Gimp". While the fight scenes were good, it kind of broke the tension of the moment.

When it comes down to it, the main thing that Avenging Force lacks is an engaging plot. The writers tried to spice it up by putting together the back-story about the assassination  of the Senatorial candidate, but when you boil the movie down to its essence, it is nothing more than another version of The Most Dangerous Game, and the aforementioned Hard Target follows the same formula with better action sequences. I’ve seen many folks call this movie the best that Michael Dudikoff ever made, but I’m not so sure about that. American Ninja was a better film, and even some of the sequels come off better than this. The only reason that Avenging Force stands out is the teaming of Dudikoff and James, but sadly, the duo get split up about halfway though the film and their chemistry that had carried so much of the film was sorely missed. There’s also the matter of the little sister played by Allison Gereighty. She was incredibly irritating though thankfully she was in few scenes. Her voice and bad Southern accent just grated on my last nerve every time she showed up.

So as far as the battle of the Matt Hunters goes, there’s really no contest. After all, the host of this blog-o-thon isn’t a site called Michael Dudikoff Ate My Homework. While Avenging Force has some good moments to it, it just can’t stack up to Chuck being badass and wielding paired Uzi’s in Invasion U.S.A. I want to thank Matt-Suzaka for putting on this Blog-o-thon and all the folks out there who have participated. I’ve really been enjoying reading all your posts on various facets of the bearded one’s life and career. As a final note, I want to leave you with my favorite of the Chuck Norris facts. I know these are played out by now (and as someone who played World of Warcraft when it was at the height of popularity I’ve heard them all), but I do love this one for its simplicity. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.

Bugg Rating (Invasion U.S.A)

Bugg Rating (Avenging Force)

Ladies Night Presents Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991)

 Once a Month, T.L. Bugg takes a day off and hands the keys of the Lair over to his lovely wife, Miss Directed, and best friend, Fran Goria. The Ladies of the Lair take this chance to shine a spotlight on some of the best and worst films out there, and you never know what might happen when it's Ladies Night! Take it away Fran....

Ricki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991) Director: Ngai Kai Lam Writers: Tetsya Sarauwatas (manga), Ngai Kai Lam Starring: Siu- Wong Fan, Mei Sheng Fan, Yukari Oshima, and Ka-Kui-Hu

Ricky-Oh is a martial artist with super human strength. Ricky-Oh will only fight if words will not resolve the situation. After his girlfriend, Ying, witnesses a drug deal, she is held captive by the gang. She becomes so terrified that she jumps out of a window and falls to her death. Ricky-Oh seeks vengeance for his girl’s death, and he kills the crime boss responsible. As a result, he receives a ten year prison sentence for manslaughter.     Way back in 2001, prisons became privatized. Ricky-Oh is serving his sentence at Warden Sugiyama’s prison. Ricky-Oh must now overthrow the tyrannical warden and his pornaholic assistant, defeat the dreaded Gang of Four, stop an illegal opium farm, rally the inmates, and save the day. Did I mention the ass-kicking? Ricky-Oh must also kick ass.

Riki-Oh was a lovely film about fighting the establishment with super human strength and good old-fashioned kung fu. I quite liked watching the film. It is a must see for anyone who likes martial arts films mixed with pure campy goodness. From Ricky-Oh tying the tendons in his arm together with his teeth, to him punching an opponent’s lower jaw off, I was hooked. With that being said, this is turning out to be a difficult review for me to write. On the one hand, I adored the film, and on the other, I just don’t know what to say about it. Ricky-Oh shows up and kicks lots of glorious ass. The blood is beautiful and plentiful, and the English dubbing is a good time to be had by all. However, this alone does not make for a passable review. So I’m just going to jump in and see what does, or does not, happen.

When the film was originally released in Hong Kong, it received the dreaded Category III rating, due to its violence. Riki-Oh was the first non pornographic film to receive the rating. I have to say that I am a bit surprised by this. Okay, yes, there is some violence. Yes, there is blood and gore, but the effects are not great. I’m not sure if anyone else knows this or not, but in a porn film, the sex is real. Those actors are really having sex with each other. At no point in Riki-Oh did I think it was real. I did not believe, or even suspect, that the actor playing Riki-Oh could actually punch his fist through a dude’s chest. Nor did I think he could crush a skull with only his deadly, deadly hands. The point is, it is a shame that such a fun film got such a severe rating upon release. Although, the rating caused poor box office sales, it did not keep Riki-Oh from gaining a cult following. One good thing that has come from the Category III rating is that without it, this paragraph would have never happened.

Riki-Oh was a super fun film. I had seen clips of it here and there, but never knew the title. I was pleasantly surprised when T.L. presented it for Ladies Night. Now I can’t speak for Ms. Directed, but I had a great time watching it. The special effects were cheesy, the dubbing was bad, the action was way over the top, and it was AWESOME! I loved every bit of it. I look forward to watching it again, and I’m sure I will love it just as much as I do now. I cannot think of a single part of the film that brought me down. It started strong, stayed consistent, and finished strong. I should warn every one now, that the fun I had watching Riki-Oh has affected my rating by at least 1.

Fist Rating

We all have very strange talents. Some woman can put a cherry stem in their mouth and tie it into a little bow. I’ve tried that trick, and all I ever spit out is a bent up cherry stem. What I can do is remember very stupid things I have seen on T.V. I never thought this would come in handy until I started writing for the The Lair. Now it is, believe it or not, one of my most treasured skills. I’ll get back to that later. We take turns picking films for Ladies Night with it rotating between Fran, me, and the Bugg.  I always get a little scared with it’s his turn. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but he watches some crazy crap. Some months he has been overruled. After all, it’s called Ladies Night. Today’s film was the Bugg’s pick, and I was relieved when he told us we would be reviewing Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky. 

I had never seen Riki-Oh, but I had heard lots about it. Sometimes when I watch a movie that has been hyped to me, it’s just not as impressive as everyone made it out to be. Thankfully The Story of Ricky was all it claimed to be and a bag of chips.  The movie took everything that is awesome about anime, made it live action, and they left the creepy tentacles at home.  There’s so much great about Riki-Oh that it’s hard to know where to start. First off, it’s a story set in a prison, something I more often than not enjoy. I have always found prison is a great setting for action movies because it is the ultimate fight against authority.  The bad guys run the prison, the warden runs the bad guys, and the poor inmates have to take the scraps. These are some super special bad guys though.  Think marital arts super villains that are named after old movie serial characters, my favorite being Tarzan.  

Ricky gets sent to jail because he was avenging his girlfriend’s death by drug lords. In all the flash backs, she seemed to be a real wet blanket, but a Riki has to do what a Riki has to do.  Here’s where the tone of the movie gets messed up in fantastic way. On one hand you have our hero fighting of hordes of anime-esque super villains. On the other hand, Riki becomes more of a sissy with every scene. For heavens sake, playing a flute wasn’t enough, he had to play a leaf. It was like someone in Japan said, “I like that High Plains Drifter movie. You know what would be badass, lets make a similar movie but instead of Clint playing a harmonica, we’ll give our guy a leaf.“ All I can say is thank you Japan. 

This is a movie you will want tell you will want to tell your friends about.  The mix of the crazy story, and the over the top practical effects make this one of the most entertaining films I have seen in a while. Now, back to my special talent. While watching the Riki-Oh, there is a scene where a fellow smashes the head off an unfortunate gentleman, and I knew I had seen it somewhere before. Then it occurred to me, that cut was used in the opening of the 5 Questions segment on the Daily Show back when it was hosted by Craig Kilborn. So even if you haven’t seen the film, if you’re a Comedy Central fan there’s a good chance that you’ve seen that clip somewhere along the line. Down below the trailer, I’m going to embed the clip of the head explosion right under it. Overall, I thought Riki-Oh was really entertaining, and it was just the type of film that you want to invite your friends over to watch. 

Fist Rating

TNT Jackson (1974): She's Dynamite and She'll Win That Fight

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been celebrating Women in Horror month, but all of Rev. Phantom’s great posts for Blaxploitation History Month made me want to get in on some of that action-- and by action, I’m talking’ TNT Jackson. 1974 was a banner year for blaxploitation films with the release of Willie Dynamite, Abby, Foxy Brown, and Truck Turner. Director Cirio Santiago knew he needed something special to make his movie stand out. With a script partially written by Corman regular Dick Miller and Jeanie Bell (one of Playboy's first black playmates) lined up to star, Santiago brought the world of black cinema and marital arts together..

As soon as TNT Jackson (Bell) arrives in Hong Kong investigate her brother’s death, she gets jumped by a group of thugs on the street, but TNT is a “One Mama Massacre Squad!” and dispatches them with little trouble. TNT makes her way to Joe’s Haven, the last address she had for her brother. The owner, Joe (Chiquito), agrees to ask around for her, and soon all the clues point to the local drug dealers. TNT makes it her business to take down white king pin Sid (Ken Metcalf), his bitch girl friend Elaine (Pat Anderson), and suave up and comer Charlie (Stan Shaw). No matter if it means sleeping with the enemy or throwing down with some topless kung fu fighting, TNT is going to blow their operation wide open.

One the whole, Jeanie Bell might be lacking in the acting department, but she sure makes up for it with a zest for topless kung fu. The martial arts on display here are not crane style or snake style, and instead the practitioners seem to subscribe to the Rudy Ray Moore style. (And this came out before Dolomite, that’s how strong his influence is.) In other words, expect much posturing and making of faces when you check out TNT Jackson. Fans of ‘70’s chop socky or blackploitation film will really enjoy the over the top entertainment and the large amount of time devoted to kung fu fighting in this film.

Filipino born director Cirio H. Santiago, who often acted as a co-producer with Roger Corman, is perhaps best known now because of films like Vampire Hookers (1978) and Nam Angels (1989). I can’t say that I’ve ever seen any other films from Santiago’s catalog, but if TNT Jackson is any indication, Cirio knew how to make some extremely entertaining crap. I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up for this film. I want it to be clear that the acting and direction are mediocre at best, and most copies of this film out there are terribly soft looking, rough transfers. It is in no way a film that should stack up against the Shaft’s and Superfly's of the genre, but it definitely stands head and shoulders above most of the second tier titles.

There are a few standout things to point out. Stan Shaw (who also appeared in Truck Turner) turns out a charismatic performance as hustler Charlie, and Filipino actor Chiquito was really fun to watch as comic relief/cavalry Joe. Ms. Bell herself deserved a bigger career following this film. She continued to take on bit parts in films for the next few years, but she was never offered another lead role and retired from acting only three years later. One of the best things about TNT Jackson is how readily available it is. It appears on several collections or, thanks to its public domain status, it can be downloaded from the Internet Archive. So celebrate Black History Month by checking out a forgotten blaxploitation gem that will really blow your mind.

Bugg Rating

B.L.O.G. Presents They Call Her Cleopatra Wong (1978)

Take two ounces of blaxploitation, an ounce of James Bond, a quarter cup of Bruce Lee style kung fu, add in spices from Singapore, The Philippines, and Hong Kong, finish it off with a hot chick, and what do you get? Well, generally, you get a strange looking concoction that begs you to kill it, but every once in a while, if you combine everything just so, you can get a film like They Call Her Cleopatra Wong. Let me just say right off that, like Death Bed: The Bed that Eats, this is a film I picked up from Cinema de Bizarre on title alone. I didn’t need to know who was in it, what it was about, or when it was made. All I needed to know was how soon I could get it to my house so I could watch it. Unfortunately, it arrived right at the beginning of October, and it just didn’t seem like a Halloween type title. So finally, I get a chance to see it, and let me tell you, it does not disappoint.

Produced in in 1978, They Call Her Cleopatra Wong starred Marrie Lee, the stage name given to Doris Young Siew Keen. This was Lee’s first film which she got when she responded to a newspaper ad that read, “Are you smart, sexy, and seductive?” The ad was placed by BAS film productions headed up by director Bobby A. Suarez. The company was looking for a girl who could ride a motorcycle, and Lee, who auditioned in a miniskirt and heeled boots, landed the part. When the film went into production, she was given the name Marrie Lee, and for years, people would ask her if she was indeed Bruce’s Younger sister.

They Call Her Cleopatra Wong is, as you would think, all about Cleopatra Wong, Singapore’s top policewoman and agent for INTERPOL. Cleo is out to bring down a ring of counterfeiters determined to bankrupt five Asian countries by destabilizing their currency. She travels to Singapore where she passes some of the counterfeit bills, and soon is picked up by the gang who intend to kill her, but their best fighters are no match for Cleopatra Wong. After a quick escape, it’s time to head out for Hong Kong and the Philippines as Miss Wong keeps on the trail of the phony money. She eventually tracks down the headquarters of the operation located inside of a convent staffed by machine gun toting nuns. INTERPOL teams Cleo up with four other top female agents to form a strike force known as the Super Sirens, and the new team forms an attack on the fake convent. The nuns carrying guns is not the only secret this headquarters hides, and when the Super Sirens finally face down the three big bosses, it’s up to Cleopatra Wong to save the day.

I’ve been having a lot of fun catching up on horror flicks and all, but it’s been quite some time since I saw an action film that was quite so over the top fun. I swear that for most of the film not more than five minutes goes by before Cleo is kicking someone’s ass. I mean this gal can do anything, and they prove it in the opening sequence. She’s a deadeye with a bow and arrow, better with a gun, a master of karate, and a master on the disco dance floor. If I weren’t a happily married Bugg, Marrie Lee would definitely rank up there as perfect mate material. Lee is not only good looking throughout; she makes all the action scenes look great too. From what I’ve read, she wasn’t shy about doing her own stunts, and the few places where it should have been a double, it really added something when you could see it was her throughout.

There’s not really anyone else built up in this film to be a character, and I really wish that Cleo had been given a supporting cast to interact with, not just beat up. It might have stymied the frenetic pace of the film, but a little character development goes a long way. The baddies are all entertaining, but it’s hard to say if that’s a result of the acting or the bad dubbing. The problem is that the two things that hold this film back for me are in opposition.If there were more quiet scenes of character development, it would just lead to more scenes with poor dubbing. The problem is the clichéd gripe of the standup comedian, the words and the actors mouths seem to be in two different films. So occasionally they keep talking when the dialog is done or, even worse, their mouths are flapping and no sound is coming out. It didn’t really take away from the film as much as prove to be more distracting than I would have liked. I would really like to get my hands on a nice subtitled version of this one someday, but with the rarity of this gem, that may never happen. Don’t let the dub job scare you off from this one. It’s well worth checking out even if the soundtrack is off a bit and, thankfully, at least the voice actors mesh well with the characters.

The last thing I have to talk about was the producer director Bobby A, Suarez. Now here’s a guy who never met an exploitation film he didn’t like. With films like They Call Him Chop-Suey and Asian Cosa Nostra on his résumé, you can probably see what I mean. Cleopatra Wong is actually the first of a trilogy by Suarez, and you best believe that I’m going to have the other two, Dynamite Johnson and Devil’s Three, high up on my wish list. It’s not that Suarez is a great director, far from it. There were plenty of directors working with similar material who made much better films, but something about the whole cut rate style gives the film a certain charm that I really liked.

Cleopatra Wong is a film that kicks off, and doesn’t let you go until the last frame. If you like martial acts, action films, kick ass chicks, blaxploitation soundtracks, and nuns with guns, then this is definitely a film for you. (Paging Rev. Phantom) If you think the miscued dubbing would be too much for you, then you might want to avoid it, but I heartily encourage you to give it a shot. After all, are there many times that you’ll get to see a woman in an orange, skintight bodysuit with hot pants beat up four or five guys at once? If I haven‘t got you sold on this film yet then let me throw out one last tid bit. Quentin Tarantino has said that Cleopatra Wong was one of his inspirations for Kill Bill, and if it’s good enough for Quentin, then it’s more than good enough for this here Bugg. Head on over to Cinema de Bizarre and pick up a copy, but don’t forget to tell them the Bugg sent ya.

Bugg Rating

No trailer to speak of, but here's a clip. This one is the opening title sequence, but don't go to the website advertised looking for the film. It's not there, just lots of Asian porn.