Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #1: Don't Look Now (1973)

For my final "don't" of the Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair countdown, I've chosen Don't Look Now, the 1973 film by Nicolas Roag. It's seriously excellent, but seeing as I didn't get it up by Halloween and won't be able to write a deconstruction better than the one on Wikipedia, I don't think I'm going to do a full review on this one. Though Don't Torture a Duckling gave Don't Look Now some serious competition, Roag's artful deconstruction of grief and loss are truly a cinematic feat. However, it wasn't that much fun to watch. Some of the lesser titles on this list provide more silly enjoyment than the bleakness of my top 2 picks, and Halloween is more of a time for fun than depressing movies about dead children. So that wraps it up for this year, and next year I hope you all join me back here for more Halloween madness. Until then, reviews commence as normal within the next couple of days. Thanks to everyone who took time out to read and comment on my Halloween countdown selections.

Bugg Rating

Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #2: Don't Torture a Duckling (1972)

While yesterdays duo of “Don’t”s had the most ubiquitous message when they assured, somewhat misleadingly, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.  Today’s film, coming in at Number 2 on the countdown, comes from Italian horror master Lucio Fulci, and, in the inverse, it has an impenetrable title which only viewing the film will explain. Popularly known as Don’t Torture a Duckling, the original Italian title, Non si sevizia un paperino, actually translates more literally as Don’t Torture Donald Duck, but even in an age where Escape from Tomorrow is a film that gets released, it is hard to imagine the litigious House of Mouse letting that kind of title fly. Coming off three solid thrillers, Lizard in a Woman’s Skin, One on Top of Another, and Beatrice Cenci, Don’t Torture a Duckling was the first of his films to really delve deep into a horror, albeit a human one. It also marks Fulci’s first real foray into gore while he was still at the top of his giallo game. Lucio reportedly named it as his favorite among his catalog, and I have to admit in advance that it ranks pretty high up there for me. I was actually surprised I had yet to review it as I've watched it a good half dozen times. So, I suppose do what you want to a calf, a kitten, a puppy, a chick, or a fawn, but whatever you do Don’t Torture a Duckling.

Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #4 & #3: Don't Be Afraid of theDark (1973 & 2010)

Perhaps the most universal of the "Don't" titles is the rather parental advice, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. At one time or another, in our childhood or a particularly vulnerable moment of our adult lives, we have all been afraid of the thing that goes bump in the night. No matter if we thought it was a burglar or the boogieman, it still sends the heart racing and the stress level up to feel at the mercy of something unexpected in the inky blackness. Perhaps that's what makes both versions of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark so effective that they come in at numbers four and three on the Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair Halloween countdown. The original, a made for TV film, and the remake, hewn under the watchful eye of  Guillermo Del Toro, are similar films that execute the basic plot with near equal competence, but each delivers a unique satisfying experience for genre film fans. So today, it's all treats and no tricks when The Bugg turns the lights down low for a double feature of miniature terror, so come along, don't be afraid, and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark.  

Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #5: Don't Go in the House (1979)

So far on the Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair Halloween countdown, we've been told to don't go in the woods (twice), don't scream, don't sleep, don't look in the basement or open the door, and now, worst of all, we can't even go in the house. At this time of year, when the nights get chilly, I know the place I want to be most is ensconced in my house with a warm mug of cider and a roaring fire in the fireplace. I never seem to have any cider and the Lair didn't come with a fire place, but it still sounds like a good idea to be inside curled up with a good movie. Coming in at number five on the countdown, Don't Go in the House, about a young man with aspirations to be the next H.H. Holmes crossed with Norman Bates and the bad guy from Backdraft, has the kind of horror heat to keep you toasty on these nippy nights. 

Don't Go in the Lightning. Bug's Lair #6: Don't Go to Sleep (1982)

As the ghosts and hobgoblins of the Halloween season draw ever closer, one might find it harder to bed down for the night. This could be out of superstitious fright or it could be because the wee small hours are the best occasion for watching scary movies. Likely, for most folks, the sleepless nights aren't caused by the specter of a deceased sibling who may have returned for diabolical purposes. However, that's just the issue in today's film, the 1982, star studded, made for TV creepfest, Don't Go to Sleep. I don't know what was in the water at the TV studios in the 70s and 80s, but, while today's TV films are either laughably bad (Lifetime, I'm looking at you.) or bloated messes ballooned out to a mini-series format, there was a magic to many of the old TV gems. In the case of Don't Go to Sleep, it was definitely a dark magic indeed. 

Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #7: Don't Open the Door (1974)

When I think about the phrase "Don't Open the Door" usually Mormons spring to mind almost immediately, but, today, I'm not here to talk about the bad news that someone is trying to give you the good news. I'm here to talk about S.F. Brownrigg once again. Earlier today, I talked about his film Don't Look in the Basement, a film which came  to prominence when it was paired with Wes Craven's Last House on the Leftas a double feature. Like any good exploitation opportunist, Brownrigg didn't let a good thing go to waste. So he returned with another "Don't" title leaving him in the unique position of being the only director to appear on this countdown twice. It can certainly be said that when opportunity knocked S.F. did open that door. So join me as I place my hand on the knob of exploitation cinema (there's a terrible phrase for my U.K based readers) and dare to disobey the titular directions, Don't Open the Door.

Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #8: Don't Look in the Basement (1973)

Unlike Number 12 on the countdown, Don't Scream, Doris Mays, I didn't have to resort to an alternate title to get this film on the list. Neatly, it did it for me. Made under the title The Forgotten, the film was retitled Don't Look in the Basement when it came to prominence paired with Last House on the Left as a drive-in double feature. It even shared the tag line "It's Only a Movie" on some iterations of the film's poster. The problem is looking in the basement is paired with looking like it was filmed and developed in a basement, but it also shares another quality with a subterranean layer. Quite often you find something interesting, odd and forgotten down there yearning to see the light of day. So join me for a stroll down the stairs of madness, when I throw caution to the wind and ignore all my instincts that tell me Don't Look in the Basement.  

Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #9: Don't Answer the Phone (1980)

Welcome back to the Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair Halloween countdown. Today I'm talking about a "don't" that everyone is familiar with, Don't Answer the Phone. There's a myriad of reasons not to answer your phone, and nowadays in the  cellular era, it's easier than ever to ignore calls from unwanted dialers, but when today's film was made , it was difficult to surmise who was on the other end of the landline. There are so many reasons one would want to skip on answering a call; bill collectors, ex-boyfriends or girlfriends, parents, work, telemarketers, and political parties all belong on the list. However, there's one reason I didn't mention, if your caller is a crazy psycho who likes to call and tell you about his crimes. That's not something that plagues most people, but for the main character in today's film, it is a concern that is foremost in her mind as she ignores the titular advice to Don't Answer the Phone.  

Don't Go in the Lightning Bug's Lair #10: Don't Go Near the Park (1979)

Many of the features on this countdown will tell not to go in places, but only one of them will tell you not to even go near it. That film comes in at #10 on the Don’t Go in the Lightning Bug’s Lair and it wants you to know not to go near it. That’s right.  You can’t even go near it, much less in it. How near is too near though? Can I go within a few feet of it or do I need to stay a few blocks back? Perhaps I need to stay a few miles away. It’s unclear. What is clear is that wherever there are ancient cave people trying to preserve their everlasting life, that might well be somewhere that you don’t want to go near. Worse yet, it’s a nice public space where you might want to go for a picnic or to walk your dog, but it’s probably best if you do what the movie title says and Don’t Go Near the Park.

Don't Go into the Lightning Bug's Lair #11: Don't Go in theWoods...Alone (1981)

After the travesty that was Don't Go in the Woods (2010), I was a little head shy, or should I say ear shy, after that musical horror mess, to press play on the first film entitled Don't Go in the Woods, albeit with the addition of the word "Alone" at the end.  To me, that's some good advice, but I would take it a step further and say don't go in the woods at all. I'm not much of an outdoorsman unless there's some kind of movie screen under the stars, and as far as my personal experience goes and based on the experiences of watching tons of films where people do go in the woods, it just never works out quite right.  I have friends who are hikers, and many of them expose the commendable belief in "leaving no trace" when they go out. I say there's an easier way than even that. Don't go at all and save your strength for trick or treating, and if you don't believe my advice, then just see what happens in Don't Go in the Woods...Alone.

Don't Go Into The Lightning Bug's Lair #12: Don’t Scream, Doris Mays (1965)

I can see you haven’t heeded the creepy, crazy old man’s warning when he told you, “Don’t Go in the Lightning Bug’s Lair”, and I’m sure glad you didn’t because I have the second entry in my Halloween countdown to share with you. In the wake of Hitchcock’s Psycho, a number of films took a similar tact to try and cash in on the serial killer motif. William Castle even went to the well twice with his features Homicidal and Straight Jacket, both spins on the loose psychological theorizing that had tied up Hitch’s film so neatly. Castle wasn't the only one to see potential, and in 1965, John Bushelman, an editor with limited film experience, undertook a script from a first time screenwriter that took one of the major elements of Norman Bates’ mental problems and, by way of Ed Wood, filtered it into a film known as Day of the Nightmare. For the purposes of this list though, I’m going to talk about it under its alternate title which was used as it barnstormed around the country from drive in to drive in, and that title was Don’t Scream, Doris Mays.

Don't Go In The Lightning Bug's Lair #13: Don't Go In the Woods (2010)

Seeing as you've ignored the warning sign and come right on into the Lair, I guess it is only fair that I share with you the first entry in the Don't Go In The Lightning Bug's Lair Halloween countdown. Before I start talking about today's flick, the Vincent D'Onofrio helmed Don't Go in the Woods, let me remind you again that there was a "Don't" film that didn't make this countdown. When I first read about this film, the idea of a slasher musical intrigued me in the best way. I suppose I had visions of Brian De Palma's musical horror Phantom of the Paradise rumbling around in my head, but again, this was directed by D'Onofrio not De Palma and the songs, well, they could have used some serious help from Paul Williams. Unfortunately, when it comes to this slasher, the execution of the victims isn't done any better than the execution of the whole film. That is to say, it isn't done very well at all. 

Don't Go In The Lightning Bug's Lair Begins!

We've made it another year back to that best of months, October. Along with all the great things the month brings; monster cereals, tons of candy, horror movies all over TV, costumes, and pumpkins, it also brings back to the LBL my yearly feature, The Halloween Top 13. Now, in past years I've done my countdown on the last 13 days leading up to Halloween, but the Bugg has got some big irons in the fire this year, and instead of wall to wall horror flicks, I'm going to spread the Halloween Top 13 across the month of October. In past years, I've covered my favorite horror films, sequels, remakes, satanic films, and giant monster movies, and at one point when mulling over this years choice, I thought to myself, "I don't know what to do next." That simple and rather inconclusive sentence lead me to think of this faux trailer directed by Edgar Wright (Hot Fuzz, Shawn of the Dead) for Rodriguez and Tarantino's Grindhouse, and in doing so, it lead me to this years challenging theme. Take a look.

In an interview with About.com, Edgar Wright had this to say about his trailer for Don't, “Sometimes you see some of those trailers for European films and you're thinking, ‘I have no idea what the f**k that is about." Don't always worked for me because of the strange European flavor as Wright mentions, but also because of the many films, released primarily in the Seventies, which used the contracted word for "do not" to begin their title. I knew I had seen many of them, but it made me wonder if there were 13 films that would fit the bill for inclusion in a Halloween Top 13 countdown.

Turns out, there are 14, so somebody who put "Don't" at the beginning of their horror film title didn't make the cut (maybe I'll reveal that stinker somewhere along the line this month), but thirteen other films did. So every couple days this month, look out for another entry in the countdown as we approach Halloween. Of course, for those of you who follow me on Facebook and the Twitter, there will be more spooky shenanigans going on every day. So if you haven't followed me or liked me, take a second to do so.

You DON'T want to miss any of the Halloween festivities.

You DON'T want to let any of this month's reviews slide past you.

You DON'T want to hesitate in telling your friends about Don't Go In the Lightning Bug's Lair.

DON'T forget to spend your Halloween season with The Bugg.

(Back tomorrow with the first film!)